Author: Placebobitch/Evilduck
Rating: 
Pairing: Stef/Bri
Description: Placebo get bored at an awards ceremony ans have fun with a camera.
The doorbell rang for the fifth time in two minutes, and Brian swore loudly, nearly tripping over the soap in the shower.
“Stef? Get the door for me? It’ll be Steve. The bastard’s always bloody early” Brian yelled from inside the bathroom. Stef got up and walked across the living room, yelling back to his bandmate as he went.
“Actually Steve is on time, it’s you who's late!”
He opened the flat door to find a rather disgruntled Steve standing there. Steve pushed past him into the flat, muttering under his breath.
“Bloody Bri, always getting ready.. been standing there for fucking ages..”
“Well hello to you too Steve” Stef commented, walking back across the room and resuming his position on the sofa. Steve turned on the TV and started flicking through the channels, looking thoroughly bored.
“How long has he been in there?” Steve asked, rolling his eyes in the direction of the bathroom.
“Not that long actually. So he’s probably bound to be in there for a while yet” replied Stef. He grinned for a second as Spongebob Squarepants came on the TV, but then Steve quickly changed channels. “Bloody serial flicker” Stef thought to himself.
They were both surprised a few moments later as Bri walked out of the bathroom, casually dressed in faded jeans and a top. He apparently didn’t notice that Steve had his best suit on, and even Stef had on a black button up shirt.
“Erm. Bri?” Stef curiously asked, as Bri started humming whilst drying his hair with a towel, “Why are you dressed like that?”
“What? It’s no different from normal..” Brian started, but stopped mid-sentence as he noticed Stef and Steve’s suitably smart attire.
“Why are you dressed like that?” He asked, with a note of panic beginning to rise in his voice.
“Um, hello, earth to Brian” Steve waved at him, “Its the bloody Kerrang Awards tonight?!”
Brian stopped dead still with his mouth open. Stefan joked to himself that he looked rather like a fish and giggled slightly.
“The fucking Kerrang awards?! I only thought we were going to the pub!” he yelled at himself more than anyone else.
“Which would probably explain why you’re dressed like that” replied Steve smartly as Brian ran in a fit of panic to his room.
“Memory like a fucking goldfish” sighed Steve as he sat back and continued flicking through the TV channels. Stef giggled a bit more at Steve’s unintentional joke and then jumped as his name was screamed loudly through the flat.
“Steeeeefffiiieeeee! I need you now!” came Brian’s voice from the direction of his bedroom.
Stef was going to make a comment, but decided against it given Bri’s obviously flustered state, and trudged off across the hallway.
He walked in to find that Brian’s wardrobe doors had been flung wide open, and clothes were now dramatically scattered everywhere. He cleared a space on the edge of the bed and sat down to wait for Brian to appear from the wardrobe.
He eventually emerged and strode over to Stef’s side, wearing a short black skirt, a black v necked top and some doc marten boots.
“What do you think?” Brian asked, chewing on his lower lip. Stef surveyed him for a moment then replied:
“Too 1997..”
“Damn” said Brian, “I can’t find anything else to wear” He pouted unhappily and sat on the edge of the bed.
“Let me go look” Replied Stef, as he went into Brian’s large walk-in wardrobe. When Bri had bought it he had questioned why he needed a wardrobe so big, but now he understood. Brian had mountains of clothes! And yet he couldn’t find anything to wear. Stef walked towards the front part and flicked through the rail with all of the more recent purchases. He decided on some tight black jeans and a fitted black shirt with silver bits. Stef threw them out of the wardrobe in Brian’s general direction and then carried on inspecting the contents. He spotted a shirt that looked strangely familiar, in fact he was pretty sure he had the same top at home..
“Hang on a minute..” Stef muttered to himself, “That is my shirt!”
“Brian I thought I told you to stop nicking my clothes?!” He called out of the wardrobe in mock anger.
“I can’t help it, you do have such nice clothes...Anyway I’m ready now” Stef blushed slightly at Brian’s comment and then wandered back out into the bedroom. He froze when he saw him sat on the bed posing rather seductively.
“Well, what do you think?” he asked with a faint smile playing across his lips. He was obviously amused by Stef’s sudden state of paralysis.
“Uhh, you look great.” he replied. Brian raised his eyebrow. Great was a bit of an understatement. The black jeans fitted his figure perfectly, and he had slightly gelled his short hair so it looked spiky. He also had the usual eyeliner and shadow, with a very faint trace of lipgloss.
“Well, when I say great I mean utterly fuckable.” Stef grinned and moved a bit closer, “You scrub up well for a clothes thief”
Brian grinned as well and swatted at him playfully, before shifting himself off the bed and drawing himself right up to Stef.
“Yes, well, thank you for helping me find an outfit. I’ll have to repay you a bit later..” he winked and slid his arm around Stef’s waist, pulling him closer. He reached a hand up and lowered Stef‘s face towards his own, gently flicking out a tongue to meet his lips. They were suddenly interrupted by a loud cough from the doorway, and they both turned around to see a rather harassed Steve.
“OK, so when you two have finished snogging each others faces off, can we please go?” he said rather sarcastically, tapping his foot on the floor.
“Alright Stevie, don’t get your knickers in a twist” Brian giggled mischievously, then turned back to Stef and mouthed the word “later”. Stef smirked, knowing full well what would happen later and followed them out of the room. They had just grabbed their coats and were heading towards the door when Brian screamed.
“What?” yelled Steve, looking around to see if anyone had been murdered.
“I forgot to put my mascara on..” Brian replied and quickly ran into the bathroom before Steve could say anything. He rolled his eyes at Stef and then pulled a package out from underneath the stairs, and promptly hid it behind his back.
When Brian was finally satisfied with his reflection, he sauntered back out of the bathroom and into the hallway. He started towards the door when he realised Stef and Steve were standing in front of it, hiding something behind their back and with big grins plastered on their faces.
“What? What's happened? Is there something wrong with me?” Brian asked, frantically checking his hair in the hallway mirror.
“No, there's nothing wrong with you” Stef laughed a little, “Its just, you know its your birthday soon?”
“Well we thought we’d get you an early birthday present” finished Steve impatiently, pulling the package from behind his back.
Brian stared at it for a moment looking a bit confused, then comprehension dawned on his face and he grabbed the present, frantically unwrapping it. He was silent as he read the box, then squealed loudly and threw himself at his two friends.
“A Polaroid camera! You shouldn’t have! Thank you!” He grabbed them both in a tight hug just as Steve was trying to manoeuvre out of the front door.
“Hey I’m glad you like it, but we still have to get to the awards you know..” Steve said a bit breathlessly.
“Oh yeah, I’ll take my new camera!” Brian replied, his eyes lighting up.
“Sure whatever, now get going!” Steve said, pushing his two friends out of the front door and down the stairs towards his car.
Steve climbed into the front seat of his rather flashy sports car and Brian jumped into the back. It was slightly less flashy than the one Steve originally wanted to buy, but Bri had rather skilfully pointed out it was only a two-seater and they needed at least three..
Just as Stefan was walking round the side to get to the other front seat, he found himself being pulled into the back by Brian.
“What? Why can’t I sit in the front?” asked a rather confused Stef.
“Because I need you to help me put together my camera” said Brian with a rather exasperated sigh, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“But its a camera.. they come ready made.. don’t they?” Stef pondered aloud as Brian emptied the contents of the box onto the set between them.
“No look, there’s loads of different pieces. I think that goes in there.. no wait, that's where the batteries go..” Brian said as he tried to push a plastic part into a gap which it clearly didn’t fit into.
“I think that goes in that long thin hole.. yeah that bit there” Stef said as he tried to help.
Brian sat there trying to work everything out for a moment. His tongue was poking out between his teeth in concentration and Stef couldn’t help but think how cute he looked. After a few minutes he cursed and gave up, and dumped it all onto Stef’s lap.
“Be a luv and do it for me?” he asked, with shining eyes staring up at the taller man. It was all Stef could do but agree as he sighed and started trying to piece it together.
“Steeeve?” came the whiny voice from the backseat, “Do you happen to have any batteries?”
“You know what Bri, its your bloody lucky day.” Steve said as he fished some out from the glove compartment whilst trying to keep his eye on the road. “I bought Em a load the other day for her playboy thingy”
“Game boy you mean” Brian replied, erupting in a fit of giggles as he took the batteries from Steve. He looked over Stef’s shoulder to see how he was doing.
“Here you go, I think that's right” Stef said as he passed the camera back to Brian. Brian just squealed in response and Stef rolled his eyes and looked out of the window into the darkness. He felt a poking in his side and turned back round to see what Brian wanted.
“I can’t quite work out where the batteries go..”
"Here, let me have a look.." Stefan turned around a bent down towards the camera.
Suddenly he was blinded by a brilliant white flash and he fell back across the car seat. As he slowly came to his senses his ears were interrupted by Brian's manic laughter in the background. Stefan got up from his current position on his back and scowled at Brian, who was now waiting for the picture to develop. He suddenly went off in peals of laughter again as the photo obviously started to show.
"Oh my god!" he gasped in-between laughing, "Steeeefff, you look like a horse!"
Stefan pouted a bit more and tried to snatch the photo from Brian.
"That's not fair, I bet I look awful" he said grumpily. Brian eventually stopped laughing enough to pass the photo to Stefan, and it really did look bad.
"I'm throwing this away, its terrible" said Stefan, pulling a face. Brian however quickly snatched it off him and hid it in his coat somewhere.
"Noooooo, I'm saving this for later!" he yelled, bursting into laughter again.
"Hey what's going on back there?" asked Steve curiously, poking his head round the driving seat.
"Nothing..." Brian managed to lie quite badly, and Steve looked unconvinced.
"Fair enough, we're here now anyway" he declared, as they pulled up outside the club that was playing host to the awards event.
As he stepped out of the car, Stef managed to hide his grumpy look and put on a more serious face. Brian grabbed his camera and slid out after him, still giggling slightly at the photo in his pocket. Steve tossed his car keys to the valet, and grabbed the arms of his bandmates, pulling them towards the entrance.
"We're not children Steve.." Brian protested as he started to pout.
"You know sometimes, I really can't tell" Steve retorted as he turned to face the photographers outside the entrance. Brian’s pout quickly disappeared as he started posing for the cameras. Then he grinned excitedly and started searching in his pockets. Stef wondered what the hell he was doing, until Brian pulled out his camera and took a shot of the rather bemused photographers. He started giggling madly, and Stef couldn’t help but smile. They eventually wandered over to the entrance of the club where a large, pissed off looking security guard was standing.
“Name please” he grunted without even looking up from his clipboard. Steve opened his mouth to reply but as usual Brian managed to butt in first.
“The spice girls” he giggled, clinging onto Stef’s arm. The guard looked up, seemingly unimpressed.
“And I’m the fucking queen of England. Invitations?” he said in the same bored tone.
Steve fished around in his pockets until he found the invites, and quickly handed them to the doorman. He checked their names off against the list and ushered them inside the door.
“Yep, go right in. Have a nice evening.” They heard his voice echo as they walked into the club, sounding just like a robotic recording.
They walked through the lobby and towards the main hall, when they realised the way was blocked by a mass of black-clothed people.
“What's going on?” Brian mused aloud as he tried to stand on his tip-toes to see over the crowd.
“Let me have a look” Steve replied, as he put his hand on Brian’s head and attempted to look over the crowd.
“Oy get off you git, I’m not your fucking leaning post!” Brian pouted, as Steve was still trying in vain to see what the commotion was about.
“There’s a sign over by the main hall, it says that alcohol has been banned from this years awards” Stef said suddenly, as he obviously had a good view over most of the crowd.
“Aww Steffy my tall Swedish saviour” Brian purred as he attached himself to Stef’s waist, “how would we read signs without yo..... HANG ON! NO BLOODY ALCOHOL?!”
“That's what the sign says hun” Stef replied, trying to calm down the infuriated singer, still clinging onto his waist.
“But why? Its an outrage! It won’t be any fun without alcohol” Brian pouted, stamping his foot down on the last sentence to emphasise it.
“It says due to certain events from last years awards, they think it will be safer, and far cheaper if there is an absence of alcohol” Stef said, reading the rest of the notice. The crowd around them got louder as they all realised what was going on.
“That's partially your fault Bri, remember you got wasted and started a ruck with Casey Chaos? Then you overturned Raging Speedhorn’s table?” Steve suddenly retorted. Brian opened his mouth, ready to give a smart-arse answer when he suddenly stopped. He thought for a moment.
“Oh shit... did I do that?” he said, screwing up his forehead in concentration.
“You can’t even bloody remember?!” Steve managed a short laugh, as he stared at Brian.
“No I can’t... they probably deserved it anyway...” Brian started to reply, but his sentence was cut short by the award manager announcing on a loudspeaker that the main hall was now open, and the guests should start getting seated. The crowd in front of them slowly started to filter through the double doors, most of them complaining and being searched by the guards for any alcohol. Steve looked particularly dismayed as one of them took his whiskey flask off him.
“But that was a present!” He proclaimed, as Stef pulled him into the hall. They were then led off to their table by one of the helpers. Brian stood for a moment trying to focus his eyes to the darkness, and then squealed as he realised they were on a table with the Foo Fighters.
“Daaaaave!” he yelled excitedly as he jumped onto his lap. Stef and Steve rolled their eyes and sat down, leaving a seat for Brian. Glasses and bottles were handed round the tables, but Brian pouted when he discovered they only contained water.
“This fucking sucks, how am I going to have any fun without alcohol?” He moaned to Stef, as he had now moved off Dave’s lap and onto his own seat. Stef grinned to himself. He could certainly think of ways to entertain himself and Brian with that camera..
“I know, its just a few bad rock stars who misbehave when drunk, that give the rest of us a bad name!” Dave said in mock-seriousness, looking in Brian’s direction.
“That's not fair, it wasn't just my fault! And I don’t even remember it!” he replied, still trying to remember the previous years events.
“Oh well, we are here now. Its not as though we can smuggle alcohol in, is it?” Steve sighed, wishing he had his whiskey flask.
“Not true, I heard Casey Chaos got in a bottle of absinthe” Dave said, looking cautiously around for security guards.
“How did he manage that?!” asked Stef curiously. The rest of the table leaned in to hear as well.
“Now that is information which shouldn't be revealed infront of children and midget rock stars” Dave replied, patting Brian on the head.
“Fuck, if only I wouldn't have got on his wrong side last year..” said Brian mournfully, but again his sentence was cut short by the awards manager announcing the start of the show.
The awards dragged along with no booze flowing, and the presenters half-arsed jokes seemed even crappier than usual. Brian started fidgeting as Placebo weren't there to present or collect an award, and he was bored. Half way through some crappy emo-band's performance, he poked Stef in the side, which caused Stef to giggle as it was his ticklish spot.
“Steeeeefff, I'm boooored” he said, looking up at him with huge eyes.
Stef sighed and rolled his eyes.
“God it’s like being with a child, you need entertaining 24/7” he said. Brian pouted slightly, then licked his lips suggestively.
“You know you love it” he said, as he casually placed his hand on Stef’s knee and slowly started sliding it upwards.
“Fuck Bri, not here!” Stef gasped in shock, but didn’t make any attempt to stop him. Brian grinned devilishly, as he quickly moved his hand over the growing bulge in Stef’s trousers. Stef bit his lip to stop himself making a noise, as he suddenly remembered where they were. He stood up so quick, he nearly sent both the table and Brian flying. He took Bri’s hand, and was about to head off towards the toilets when he stopped. He quickly grabbed the Polaroid camera off the table.
“This might come in handy” he whispered into Brian’s ear before marching him off across the back of the hall. Brian giggled as he looked back at the confused Steve, and blew him a kiss. They pushed their way into the empty men’s toilets and within seconds Stef had pinned Brian against the wall. Their mouths came crashing together, and needy hands explored each others bodies. Brian pushed his hips up against the taller man and moaned into their unbreaking kiss. His hands moved effortlessly up the back of Stef’s shirt and across to his chest. Stef moved against Brian and wound his hands down to the hem of his trousers. He was just about to open the fly when a loud hiccup announced someone’s presence.
“What the fuck?” Brian uttered as Stef broke away and looked around the toilet. Another hiccup sounded from the corner of the room, and they cautiously approached the last cubicle.
“You open it..” Brian said, sounding rather worried as he prodded Stef in the back. Stef took a deep breath and flung open the cubicle door to reveal..
..Casey Chaos, slumped on the floor of the cubicle against the toilet, clutching a rather large (and half empty) bottle of absinthe. He looked up with obvious difficulty and slowly focused his eyes on the pair peering at him from the doorway.
“Aha, its the gender-confused, bandmate-fucking, angsty-goth rock midget himself..” he slurred, whilst trying to grin evilly at Brian. It didn’t work very well. Brian let out a short laugh and glared at him.
“And I see its the hardcore punk-wannabe, bandmate-less, alcoholic loser dwarf.” he spat back.
“Oh my isn’t it in a bitchy mood tonight?” Casey turned and started talking to the wall, “must be on its period” he managed to say before he slumped back against the side.
Stefan laughed slightly, but then stopped as he saw the infuriated look on Brian’s face. He just about managed to pull himself together, and grab hold of the singer as he lunged at the now unconscious Casey Chaos.
“I’m gonna kill him! The bitch!” he started yelling and trying to wrench himself free of Stef’s grip.
“Leave it hun, look he’s pissed. He doesn’t know what he’s saying” Stef tried to calm him down, as he held his arms behind his back. Eventually Brian calmed down enough for Stef to let him go. He stood there for a second trying to catch his breath, still glaring at the figure slumped on the floor.
“Come on, we had better get back to the awards, people will wonder where we have gone” Stef said, and Bri nodded his head in agreement. He moved towards the door and was about to walk out when he realised Brian wasn’t following. He turned back around and saw Brian hunched over the unconscious body.
“Bri, what are you doing?” he asked curiously as he walked back. Brian turned around triumphantly with a big grin on his face. He was holding the bottle of absinthe.
“He won’t be needing this!” he giggled, as he looked up at Stef. Stef smiled and was about to help him back to his feet, when Brian turned back to Casey, giggling even more.
“What now?...” Stef started to say. “Oh, no, don’t do that” he said, as a laughing Brian turned the drunken singer over and pulled his trousers down. He pulled out a bright red lipstick from his pocket and scrawled “Bri xxx” over his arse cheeks, then stood up still giggling. He grabbed the camera from Stef’s hand and quickly took a photo of Casey’s newly decorated arse.
Just then they heard someone opening the toilet door, so they quickly skipped out of the cubicle and back into the main hall. They worked their way past the tables, until Brian found the one he was sure was theirs, until he accidentally sat on Gwen Stefani’s lap.
“Oops wrong table luv!” he giggled as Stef pulled him back onto his feet and dragged him further across the room. They eventually found the correct table and collapsed onto their chairs in fits of laughter. Steve just raised an eyebrow as he noticed the bottle of absinthe and the camera still in Brian’s hands.
“What have you two been up to?” he asked, leaning across the table.
“Oh the usual, making out in the toilet, finding alcohol, stripping Casey Chaos...” Brian replied as he started giggling again.
“You what?!” Steve started to say, as Brian smugly pushed the Polaroid picture across the table. Steve couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle despite himself. It really was quite a funny image. He was about to reply to Brian when the awards presenter started speaking again.
“Well I’d like to thank you all for attending, and for holding up the alcohol ban. Now it’s time for the after party! So loosen your ties, let your hair down and have a good time!” he beamed happily.
“Not without booze we won’t” Some grumpy smart arse called out from the back of the room. The presenter just smiled again in the voice’s general direction and jumped off the stage as the DJ started playing some music.
About half an hour later and the “party” was dragging along. Everyone was bored and complaining, except one strange guy who was claiming he was “high on Jesus” and “God is all you need to make you happy”. He was promptly bottled by angry rock stars and locked in a nearby cupboard.
Brian and Stefan had finished the bottle of Absinthe between them, but found it quite boring as no-one else was pissed. Stefan sat back in his chair, as Brian tried to flick peanuts into a sleeping Steve’s wide open mouth. Eventually he grew tired of this though, and sat on Stef’s lap looking up at him.
“Steeef...” he started to whine,
“I’m booooored” finished Stef in a high pitched voice. Brian just let out a sigh.
“I need something to do, I’m going crazy here.” he said, resting his small head against Stef’s chest. Stef looked around the room, trying to find some inspiration. Eventually his eyes settled on the camera on the table.
“I have an idea.. It’s a bit of a challenge” Stef smiled to himself as he spoke. Brian lifted his head up immediately and grinned.
“What kind of challenge?!” he asked excitedly, looking like a little child.
“Weeell, you know you took a picture of Casey’s arse?” Stef said, then continued as Brian nodded, “I bet you can’t get take 5 more photos of famous people’s arses!” Brian grinned at the idea and slid himself closer to Stef.
“And what if I do manage it?” he asked, with a devilish glint in his eye.
“Then I will do anything you want tonight. Anything” Stef replied, emphasizing the last word by flicking his tongue across his lips.
“Oh you’re on baby! See you in the bedroom!” Brian grinned as he grabbed the camera and slid off Stef’s lap.
He set off around the room, trying to find his first likely candidate. He was just about the head towards the dance floor when someone pulled his arm. Brian found himself being yanked into a tiny broom cupboard. He looked around to see Nick Oliveri and Josh Homme of Queens of the Stoneage, who were both grinning manically.
“Hey guys!” Brian squealed, and pulled them both into a hug before they could protest. When he finally broke away, Nick started talking eagerly.
“Look we’ve got a plan, but we need some help carrying it out. Are you in?” he said. Brian raised an eyebrow curiously.
“What's the plan?” he asked.
“Well its a dried up party, what do you think the plan is?” Josh asked sarcastically.
“Oh yeh good point, Booze run eh?” Brian replied as a grin started to spread across his face.
“Yeh some of the guys went out earlier to an off license. But we need some help getting it past the security guards” Nick continued.
“Aha, a diversion is in order then?” Brian asked. Nick grinned back at him.
“You got it.” he cackled in delight. The three of them huddled closer and discussed the plans for the diversion...
10 minutes later and Brian found himself standing outside in the freezing cold with Nick, whilst Josh checked the alcohol runners were coming from the right direction. Brian blew on his hands to try and get some warmth back into them, but to no avail. Suddenly he was nudged in the ribs by Nick, and he looked up to see 4 men in the distance, carrying what seemed to be about 50 blue plastic bags between them. Brian nearly burst out laughing at the sight, but tried to keep a serious face as he was dragged off towards the guards. He sidled up to the nearest one and gave him a wink.
“Hey!” he drawled, striking up a conversation, “Isn’t it a bit cold for you to be out here?” The guard looked suspiciously back at him.
“Well its our job, we have to make sure no-one un-authorised gets in” he said in a voice similar to a grunt. Brian just smiled his sweetest smile.
“Awww, it must get boring out here on your own. We’ve come out to entertain you!” he simpered back, motioning to Nick who just grinned. The guard raised an eyebrow.
“Sooo...what kind of things do you.. erm.. guard?” Brian asked, trying to keep the guards attention as the crowd of alcohol crept closer.
“Well I mostly work at clubs and pubs, but I get hired for private functions like this sometimes” the guard started rambling. Brian nodded, appearing interested.
“Haha, I bet the private functions are a bit of a ..handful” Brian replied cheekily, emphasizing the innuendo. The guard gave a short smile, which looked like it hurt, then looked over Brian’s shoulder as he spotted something creeping closer to the door.
“What's that....” he began to say, as Brian desperately tried to get his attention back. The alcohol party hid by a wall, but it looked as though the guard had seen them. So Brian quickly grabbed Nick, and in one swift movement pulled down his trousers and boxers.
Nick let out a very girly scream, which made Brian chuckle, then ran off in front of the guard showing his bare arse. Brian laughed at the look on the guards face, then suddenly remembered his camera. He pulled it out of his pocket and got a snap of his second arse of the night. The guard just stared as though they were both mad, and the four men with the bags quickly snuck in the door beside him unnoticed. Brian ran in the door after them, quickly followed by Josh and a still very half-naked Nick.
They collapsed on the floor just inside the hallway in fits of giggles. Nick managed to pull his trousers back up, so that he wouldn't flash any unsuspecting innocent people. Brian got to his knees and crawled over to the bags of alcohol, inspecting the contents. Most of the bags seemed to contain very strong spirits. The perfect drink for a good night! He grinned to himself as he pocketed a few bottles of Vodka before the others could regain their composure. Finally when everyone had stopped laughing, they gathered all the bags up and crept quietly back into the main hall. They took about 10 bags each and set off around the hall, distributing the goods to increasingly happy rock stars. Brian made his way back to his table, and sat himself down next to Stef grinning. He greeted him by kissing him on the lips, then placing a bottle of vodka in his hands. Stef just stared as Brian proceeded to hand out bottles of vodka around the table.
"Where did you go HEY VODKA!" Steve said as his bottle was handed to him. He eagerly opened it, then paused and looked at Brian suspiciously.
"Hang on, where did you get this?" He asked curiously, as he sniffed the contents. "It's not piss is it?"
"Aww Stevie would I do that to you? Hang on don't answer that.. Some of the boys from Queens of the Stoneage went on a booze run, I was just helping them to create a diversion" Brian replied, happily swigging from his own bottle. Steve looked hesitant for a while, then decided to go with the flow and drink with everyone else.
Pretty soon the hall was full of loud, inebriated rock stars who were either arguing, singing, dancing or drinking.
“Party’s in full swing!” Brian grinned mischievously at Stef, as he had now managed to seat himself in the taller mans lap once again.
Stef just smiled back, obviously too pissed to form proper words. Brian was beginning to feel quite horny with all the alcohol, so he moved closer to Stef and started running his hand up his thigh. Stef just sat there, his grin getting even wider, when suddenly he grabbed Brian’s hand. Brian pouted and looked up.
“Nooo nooo, you haff to get fhree mooore..” Stef managed to slur.
“Oh shit! I totally forgot the challenge!” Brian exclaimed, and hopped off of Stef’s lap. We walked off across the room towards the dance floor, and scanned it for any likely candidates. Luckily he didn’t have to search for long, as Dave Grohl bumped into him and promptly pulled him onto the dance floor.
“Briii! Come daance wif me!” he yelled as he spun him round. Brian just agreed and danced with him, whilst trying to think up a plan to get that third picture..
Suddenly he smiled to himself as he thought of something. Dave obviously didn’t notice as he stumbled around, trying to avoid stepping on peoples feet.
“Hey Dave?” Brian yelled over the music as he prodded his dance partner.
“Is it true that you had a tattoo of yourself on your arse?” he asked, laughing slightly. Dave just looked very confused in his drunken state.
“Nooo, where did you hear that?” he asked.
“Oh everyone’s heard. I bet you’re just denying it.” Brian said, smiling maliciously as Dave tried to remember if he did indeed have that tattoo.
“Noo I’m pretty sure I don’t..” he replied, now looking very confused.
“Haha prove it!” Brian said, as he poked him in the ribs. Dave actually nodded and was about to pull down him trousers in the middle of the dance floor. Brian grabbed his hand to stop him.
“Hey, lets go somewhere a bit more private, we don’t want to scare everyone now do we?” he said in a rather patronising tone, leading him like a child to the corner of the room. Once they were there, Dave rather obediently turned around and pulled down his trousers. Brian uhmmed and ahhed whilst searching for his camera. He finally found it and quickly took a picture, then shoved it back in his pocket and turned Dave around.
“Nope, I must have been mistaken. Nothing there” he said, as Dave grinned.
“I told you! But hey.. what was that flash?” he asked. Brian froze for a second, hoping his quick mouth would save him.
“Umm. I used a torch to get a better look. Some people have.. er.. white tattoo’s..” he bluffed rather unconvincingly. But Dave seemed to buy it, and Brian happily skipped off to the buffet table. /Number three!/ he thought to himself gleefully. /Now only two more and Steffie’s sweet arse is mine!/
Brian was standing by the buffet table, trying to work out what was edible, when all of a sudden something small hit him on the side of the head. He quickly turned around only to find there was no-one there. He shook his head and turned back to the table, picking up a few small things carefully. Then something hit him again, this time on his ear. He spun around to once again find nothing. He looked all around him, when he suddenly heard a faint giggling. It was coming from the end of the buffet table so he carefully tiptoed down to the end, and peeked over the edge. There, collapsed on the floor was Marilyn Manson, wearing a very shit-faced grin.
“Heeeeey Bri!” he smiled, as Brian sat down beside him.
“Fucking hell you’re slaughtered!” Brian replied, “No more alcohol for you!” Marilyn started to pout.
“Noooo I’m not pished, I can drink loads more!” he said rather unconvincingly. Brian grinned as a devilish idea entered his mind.
“Oh really? I bet I can drink more than you!” he said, bringing out a bottle of vodka from his pocket and grabbing a few shot glasses from the table beside him.
“You’re on!” Manson yelled a little bit too loudly, as Brian started to pour the shots. He grinned as he raised his glass and downed it. As Brian did the same, he noticed Manson closed his eyes when he downed his shot.. /This makes it even easier!/ he thought to himself. He quickly poured the next shot, but instead of downing it, he threw it over his shoulder. As Marilyn had his eyes closed and was already very pissed, he didn’t notice a thing! Over the next five shots of vodka, Brian emptied one onto a food tray, tipped one under the table, handed one to a passer-by, and even hid one behind Manson. As Marilyn slammed another glass down on the floor, he looked at Brian in a very confused way.
“But.. it’s having no effect on you!” he complained. Brian just grinned.
“I told you, I can hold my drink!” he replied, “But you, you are quite clearly pissed!”
“Noo I’m not! I can down more!” Manson retorted as he went for his sixth shot. Brian didn’t even bother hiding his, and when Manson opened his eyes he didn’t even notice that Brian had a full shot glass in his hand.
“Another?” Brian said cheekily, raising one eyebrow.
“Argh fuck no I can’t. I think my liver just died” Manson replied, finally giving up. Brian gave a small cheer, then pulled him to his feet.
“What? What now?” Manson asked, turning to look at Brian.
“Well I won, now you have to do the forfeit” Brian replied mischievously.
“Ahh fuck, I don’t remember any forfeit? What is it?” he asked, now looking rather worried.
“You have to streak around the room” Brian replied simply, already clutching his camera in his pocket. Manson looked relieved as he started to strip, handing his clothes to Brian.
“Is that all? That's easy, I do it all the time” he said, as he set off running around the hall. Brian just laughed at the sight of a six foot something goth running around the room naked. Then he quickly took a photo and stashed it in his pocket with the others.
As he was thinking of who to target for his next victim, Brian felt someone tap him on the shoulder. He turned around to find Steve looking at him rather bemusedly.
“Did that have anything to do with you?” He asked, pointing to the naked Manson who was now trying to chat up some transvestites.
“Maybe..” Brian grinned at him. Steve just rolled his eyes.
“Well we’re off now. We are getting a cab back because I’ve had too much to drink, and you’re gonna have to help me carry Stef. He’s nearly paralysed” Steve said.
“Noo we can’t go yet! I have to.. er.. do something..” Brian yelled, clinging onto his arm.
“Oh come on Bri, everyone else is leaving now” Steve said, trying to shake him off. Brian looked around and found that everyone really was leaving.
“But.. but.. now I can’t have Steffy!” Brian said, desperately looking around him for naked people.
“What the hell are you talking about Bri?” Steve asked, looking very confused.
“Well...erm.. Stef bet me I couldn’t get photos of 5 naked arses..” He confessed sheepishly.
“Haha and I suppose Stef is the main prize?” Steve replied, smiling.
“You got it. But I only have 4 photos, and I really wanted to get laid tonight..” Brian pouted as he pulled the pictures and camera out of his pocket.
“Well I’m afraid we have to go now. Unless you can find a likely candidate in the next 5 seconds” Steve said as he turned towards the door. Suddenly Brian’s eyes lit up and he ran forward, grabbing Steve around the waist.
“What now?” Steve asked, starting to get slightly irritated.
“YOU! You can be the fifth one! Pleeeeease Stevie?” Brian said sweetly, fluttering his eyelashes.
“Oh no, not me..” Steve stuttered, as he started to back away.
“Oh pleeease Steve? No-one will ever know it was you. I promise” Brian pleaded, clutching Steve’s hands in his own. Steve considered for a moment as he looked down at his begging band mate.
“Fine, OK” he sighed, as he gave in. Brian smiled and pulled him into the toilets.
“Where do you want me?” Steve asked as he pulled down his trousers.
“Its not a fucking photo shoot Steve! Just stand against the wall” Brian instructed as he turned the camera on. He smiled as he took the photo.
“Ok, all done now. Nice arse Steve!” Brian said as he erupted into giggles. Steve pulled up his trousers and pouted as they walked out of the door.
“Don’t laugh, I’m doing you a favour here” he said grumpily.
“Awww I love ya really Steve, thanks” Brian said, as he stood on tiptoes and kissed Steve on the cheek. He swore Steve started blushing.
When they found their table, they were surprised to find Stef standing up on his own, and all ready to leave.
“Hey, we ready to go now?” he asked them.
“Yup, all done” Brian smiled as he linked his arm in Stef’s and started walking out the door. Steve followed them, and Brian suspected he was still blushing. They eventually found their cab and piled inside. Steve got dropped off first, and as Stef was about to tell the driver his address, Brian instructed him to go to his own place.
“Oh no, you’re coming back with me!” he giggled as he threw the photos onto Stef’s lap. Stef started laughing as he looked through them.
“Who is that?” he asked as picked up the last one, “It looks familiar”
“Well it would do..” Brian grinned.
“Hang on, you’re not allowed to use yourself” Stef protested.
“Noo.. it’s not me..” Brian replied, still grinning mysteriously.
“Well who is it?” Stef said, looking very confused.
“It’s Steve!” Brian said, as Stef started to laugh.
“How the hell did you manage to get a picture of Steve?!” Stef asked through his giggles. Brian just tapped the side of his nose, and gathered up the photos.
They finally arrived at Brian’s place, and they both stumbled out of the cab and up the stairs to the front door. Stef was still giggling at the photo of Steve’s arse as he sat himself down on the sofa.
“Drink?” Brian called from the doorway of his kitchen.
“Nah I’m fine” Stef replied. He started flicking through the rest of the photos.
“Who are the rest of?” he asked as Brian sat himself down next to him, holding a large coffee.
“Umm.. Nick Oliveri, Dave Grohl and Marilyn Manson” he said grinning at the memory.
“How the hell did you manage to get those?” Stef asked disbelievingly.
“That’s a story for another time. Right now its time for this..” Brian said as he leapt across onto Stef and pinned him to the sofa. Stef didn’t complain. He ran his hands along the smaller mans waist and kissed him hungrily. Brian shifted his position so he was straddling Stef, with his legs either side of his waist. He started tugging at the buttons on his shirt, and eventually managed to get them open, revealing Stef’s slim chest. Stef moaned slightly as he ran his hands through Brian's short dark hair, pulling him closer. He pulled his shirt off and threw it onto the floor. Brian paused for a moment to pull his own shirt off, then he slid down closer to Stef, revelling in the feel of their bare skin. He continued to kiss him, their tongues fighting against each other. He moved one hand down towards Stef’s trousers, and started rubbing his palm against the growing bulge in his groin. Stef’s breathing started to grow quicker, now coming in short pants.
Brian sat up, pulling Stef up with him, and got off the sofa.
“Come on, bedroom” he said through heavy breaths, grabbing Stef’s hand. He started to walk towards his bedroom door, when Stef stopped and quickly ran back to the hallway. He re-emerged holding something, and Brian quickly pulled him into the room in his desperation.
“Can’t forget the camera! This is going to come in very useful!”
“Stef? Get the door for me? It’ll be Steve. The bastard’s always bloody early” Brian yelled from inside the bathroom. Stef got up and walked across the living room, yelling back to his bandmate as he went.
“Actually Steve is on time, it’s you who's late!”
He opened the flat door to find a rather disgruntled Steve standing there. Steve pushed past him into the flat, muttering under his breath.
“Bloody Bri, always getting ready.. been standing there for fucking ages..”
“Well hello to you too Steve” Stef commented, walking back across the room and resuming his position on the sofa. Steve turned on the TV and started flicking through the channels, looking thoroughly bored.
“How long has he been in there?” Steve asked, rolling his eyes in the direction of the bathroom.
“Not that long actually. So he’s probably bound to be in there for a while yet” replied Stef. He grinned for a second as Spongebob Squarepants came on the TV, but then Steve quickly changed channels. “Bloody serial flicker” Stef thought to himself.
They were both surprised a few moments later as Bri walked out of the bathroom, casually dressed in faded jeans and a top. He apparently didn’t notice that Steve had his best suit on, and even Stef had on a black button up shirt.
“Erm. Bri?” Stef curiously asked, as Bri started humming whilst drying his hair with a towel, “Why are you dressed like that?”
“What? It’s no different from normal..” Brian started, but stopped mid-sentence as he noticed Stef and Steve’s suitably smart attire.
“Why are you dressed like that?” He asked, with a note of panic beginning to rise in his voice.
“Um, hello, earth to Brian” Steve waved at him, “Its the bloody Kerrang Awards tonight?!”
Brian stopped dead still with his mouth open. Stefan joked to himself that he looked rather like a fish and giggled slightly.
“The fucking Kerrang awards?! I only thought we were going to the pub!” he yelled at himself more than anyone else.
“Which would probably explain why you’re dressed like that” replied Steve smartly as Brian ran in a fit of panic to his room.
“Memory like a fucking goldfish” sighed Steve as he sat back and continued flicking through the TV channels. Stef giggled a bit more at Steve’s unintentional joke and then jumped as his name was screamed loudly through the flat.
“Steeeeefffiiieeeee! I need you now!” came Brian’s voice from the direction of his bedroom.
Stef was going to make a comment, but decided against it given Bri’s obviously flustered state, and trudged off across the hallway.
He walked in to find that Brian’s wardrobe doors had been flung wide open, and clothes were now dramatically scattered everywhere. He cleared a space on the edge of the bed and sat down to wait for Brian to appear from the wardrobe.
He eventually emerged and strode over to Stef’s side, wearing a short black skirt, a black v necked top and some doc marten boots.
“What do you think?” Brian asked, chewing on his lower lip. Stef surveyed him for a moment then replied:
“Too 1997..”
“Damn” said Brian, “I can’t find anything else to wear” He pouted unhappily and sat on the edge of the bed.
“Let me go look” Replied Stef, as he went into Brian’s large walk-in wardrobe. When Bri had bought it he had questioned why he needed a wardrobe so big, but now he understood. Brian had mountains of clothes! And yet he couldn’t find anything to wear. Stef walked towards the front part and flicked through the rail with all of the more recent purchases. He decided on some tight black jeans and a fitted black shirt with silver bits. Stef threw them out of the wardrobe in Brian’s general direction and then carried on inspecting the contents. He spotted a shirt that looked strangely familiar, in fact he was pretty sure he had the same top at home..
“Hang on a minute..” Stef muttered to himself, “That is my shirt!”
“Brian I thought I told you to stop nicking my clothes?!” He called out of the wardrobe in mock anger.
“I can’t help it, you do have such nice clothes...Anyway I’m ready now” Stef blushed slightly at Brian’s comment and then wandered back out into the bedroom. He froze when he saw him sat on the bed posing rather seductively.
“Well, what do you think?” he asked with a faint smile playing across his lips. He was obviously amused by Stef’s sudden state of paralysis.
“Uhh, you look great.” he replied. Brian raised his eyebrow. Great was a bit of an understatement. The black jeans fitted his figure perfectly, and he had slightly gelled his short hair so it looked spiky. He also had the usual eyeliner and shadow, with a very faint trace of lipgloss.
“Well, when I say great I mean utterly fuckable.” Stef grinned and moved a bit closer, “You scrub up well for a clothes thief”
Brian grinned as well and swatted at him playfully, before shifting himself off the bed and drawing himself right up to Stef.
“Yes, well, thank you for helping me find an outfit. I’ll have to repay you a bit later..” he winked and slid his arm around Stef’s waist, pulling him closer. He reached a hand up and lowered Stef‘s face towards his own, gently flicking out a tongue to meet his lips. They were suddenly interrupted by a loud cough from the doorway, and they both turned around to see a rather harassed Steve.
“OK, so when you two have finished snogging each others faces off, can we please go?” he said rather sarcastically, tapping his foot on the floor.
“Alright Stevie, don’t get your knickers in a twist” Brian giggled mischievously, then turned back to Stef and mouthed the word “later”. Stef smirked, knowing full well what would happen later and followed them out of the room. They had just grabbed their coats and were heading towards the door when Brian screamed.
“What?” yelled Steve, looking around to see if anyone had been murdered.
“I forgot to put my mascara on..” Brian replied and quickly ran into the bathroom before Steve could say anything. He rolled his eyes at Stef and then pulled a package out from underneath the stairs, and promptly hid it behind his back.
When Brian was finally satisfied with his reflection, he sauntered back out of the bathroom and into the hallway. He started towards the door when he realised Stef and Steve were standing in front of it, hiding something behind their back and with big grins plastered on their faces.
“What? What's happened? Is there something wrong with me?” Brian asked, frantically checking his hair in the hallway mirror.
“No, there's nothing wrong with you” Stef laughed a little, “Its just, you know its your birthday soon?”
“Well we thought we’d get you an early birthday present” finished Steve impatiently, pulling the package from behind his back.
Brian stared at it for a moment looking a bit confused, then comprehension dawned on his face and he grabbed the present, frantically unwrapping it. He was silent as he read the box, then squealed loudly and threw himself at his two friends.
“A Polaroid camera! You shouldn’t have! Thank you!” He grabbed them both in a tight hug just as Steve was trying to manoeuvre out of the front door.
“Hey I’m glad you like it, but we still have to get to the awards you know..” Steve said a bit breathlessly.
“Oh yeah, I’ll take my new camera!” Brian replied, his eyes lighting up.
“Sure whatever, now get going!” Steve said, pushing his two friends out of the front door and down the stairs towards his car.
Steve climbed into the front seat of his rather flashy sports car and Brian jumped into the back. It was slightly less flashy than the one Steve originally wanted to buy, but Bri had rather skilfully pointed out it was only a two-seater and they needed at least three..
Just as Stefan was walking round the side to get to the other front seat, he found himself being pulled into the back by Brian.
“What? Why can’t I sit in the front?” asked a rather confused Stef.
“Because I need you to help me put together my camera” said Brian with a rather exasperated sigh, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“But its a camera.. they come ready made.. don’t they?” Stef pondered aloud as Brian emptied the contents of the box onto the set between them.
“No look, there’s loads of different pieces. I think that goes in there.. no wait, that's where the batteries go..” Brian said as he tried to push a plastic part into a gap which it clearly didn’t fit into.
“I think that goes in that long thin hole.. yeah that bit there” Stef said as he tried to help.
Brian sat there trying to work everything out for a moment. His tongue was poking out between his teeth in concentration and Stef couldn’t help but think how cute he looked. After a few minutes he cursed and gave up, and dumped it all onto Stef’s lap.
“Be a luv and do it for me?” he asked, with shining eyes staring up at the taller man. It was all Stef could do but agree as he sighed and started trying to piece it together.
“Steeeve?” came the whiny voice from the backseat, “Do you happen to have any batteries?”
“You know what Bri, its your bloody lucky day.” Steve said as he fished some out from the glove compartment whilst trying to keep his eye on the road. “I bought Em a load the other day for her playboy thingy”
“Game boy you mean” Brian replied, erupting in a fit of giggles as he took the batteries from Steve. He looked over Stef’s shoulder to see how he was doing.
“Here you go, I think that's right” Stef said as he passed the camera back to Brian. Brian just squealed in response and Stef rolled his eyes and looked out of the window into the darkness. He felt a poking in his side and turned back round to see what Brian wanted.
“I can’t quite work out where the batteries go..”
"Here, let me have a look.." Stefan turned around a bent down towards the camera.
Suddenly he was blinded by a brilliant white flash and he fell back across the car seat. As he slowly came to his senses his ears were interrupted by Brian's manic laughter in the background. Stefan got up from his current position on his back and scowled at Brian, who was now waiting for the picture to develop. He suddenly went off in peals of laughter again as the photo obviously started to show.
"Oh my god!" he gasped in-between laughing, "Steeeefff, you look like a horse!"
Stefan pouted a bit more and tried to snatch the photo from Brian.
"That's not fair, I bet I look awful" he said grumpily. Brian eventually stopped laughing enough to pass the photo to Stefan, and it really did look bad.
"I'm throwing this away, its terrible" said Stefan, pulling a face. Brian however quickly snatched it off him and hid it in his coat somewhere.
"Noooooo, I'm saving this for later!" he yelled, bursting into laughter again.
"Hey what's going on back there?" asked Steve curiously, poking his head round the driving seat.
"Nothing..." Brian managed to lie quite badly, and Steve looked unconvinced.
"Fair enough, we're here now anyway" he declared, as they pulled up outside the club that was playing host to the awards event.
As he stepped out of the car, Stef managed to hide his grumpy look and put on a more serious face. Brian grabbed his camera and slid out after him, still giggling slightly at the photo in his pocket. Steve tossed his car keys to the valet, and grabbed the arms of his bandmates, pulling them towards the entrance.
"We're not children Steve.." Brian protested as he started to pout.
"You know sometimes, I really can't tell" Steve retorted as he turned to face the photographers outside the entrance. Brian’s pout quickly disappeared as he started posing for the cameras. Then he grinned excitedly and started searching in his pockets. Stef wondered what the hell he was doing, until Brian pulled out his camera and took a shot of the rather bemused photographers. He started giggling madly, and Stef couldn’t help but smile. They eventually wandered over to the entrance of the club where a large, pissed off looking security guard was standing.
“Name please” he grunted without even looking up from his clipboard. Steve opened his mouth to reply but as usual Brian managed to butt in first.
“The spice girls” he giggled, clinging onto Stef’s arm. The guard looked up, seemingly unimpressed.
“And I’m the fucking queen of England. Invitations?” he said in the same bored tone.
Steve fished around in his pockets until he found the invites, and quickly handed them to the doorman. He checked their names off against the list and ushered them inside the door.
“Yep, go right in. Have a nice evening.” They heard his voice echo as they walked into the club, sounding just like a robotic recording.
They walked through the lobby and towards the main hall, when they realised the way was blocked by a mass of black-clothed people.
“What's going on?” Brian mused aloud as he tried to stand on his tip-toes to see over the crowd.
“Let me have a look” Steve replied, as he put his hand on Brian’s head and attempted to look over the crowd.
“Oy get off you git, I’m not your fucking leaning post!” Brian pouted, as Steve was still trying in vain to see what the commotion was about.
“There’s a sign over by the main hall, it says that alcohol has been banned from this years awards” Stef said suddenly, as he obviously had a good view over most of the crowd.
“Aww Steffy my tall Swedish saviour” Brian purred as he attached himself to Stef’s waist, “how would we read signs without yo..... HANG ON! NO BLOODY ALCOHOL?!”
“That's what the sign says hun” Stef replied, trying to calm down the infuriated singer, still clinging onto his waist.
“But why? Its an outrage! It won’t be any fun without alcohol” Brian pouted, stamping his foot down on the last sentence to emphasise it.
“It says due to certain events from last years awards, they think it will be safer, and far cheaper if there is an absence of alcohol” Stef said, reading the rest of the notice. The crowd around them got louder as they all realised what was going on.
“That's partially your fault Bri, remember you got wasted and started a ruck with Casey Chaos? Then you overturned Raging Speedhorn’s table?” Steve suddenly retorted. Brian opened his mouth, ready to give a smart-arse answer when he suddenly stopped. He thought for a moment.
“Oh shit... did I do that?” he said, screwing up his forehead in concentration.
“You can’t even bloody remember?!” Steve managed a short laugh, as he stared at Brian.
“No I can’t... they probably deserved it anyway...” Brian started to reply, but his sentence was cut short by the award manager announcing on a loudspeaker that the main hall was now open, and the guests should start getting seated. The crowd in front of them slowly started to filter through the double doors, most of them complaining and being searched by the guards for any alcohol. Steve looked particularly dismayed as one of them took his whiskey flask off him.
“But that was a present!” He proclaimed, as Stef pulled him into the hall. They were then led off to their table by one of the helpers. Brian stood for a moment trying to focus his eyes to the darkness, and then squealed as he realised they were on a table with the Foo Fighters.
“Daaaaave!” he yelled excitedly as he jumped onto his lap. Stef and Steve rolled their eyes and sat down, leaving a seat for Brian. Glasses and bottles were handed round the tables, but Brian pouted when he discovered they only contained water.
“This fucking sucks, how am I going to have any fun without alcohol?” He moaned to Stef, as he had now moved off Dave’s lap and onto his own seat. Stef grinned to himself. He could certainly think of ways to entertain himself and Brian with that camera..
“I know, its just a few bad rock stars who misbehave when drunk, that give the rest of us a bad name!” Dave said in mock-seriousness, looking in Brian’s direction.
“That's not fair, it wasn't just my fault! And I don’t even remember it!” he replied, still trying to remember the previous years events.
“Oh well, we are here now. Its not as though we can smuggle alcohol in, is it?” Steve sighed, wishing he had his whiskey flask.
“Not true, I heard Casey Chaos got in a bottle of absinthe” Dave said, looking cautiously around for security guards.
“How did he manage that?!” asked Stef curiously. The rest of the table leaned in to hear as well.
“Now that is information which shouldn't be revealed infront of children and midget rock stars” Dave replied, patting Brian on the head.
“Fuck, if only I wouldn't have got on his wrong side last year..” said Brian mournfully, but again his sentence was cut short by the awards manager announcing the start of the show.
The awards dragged along with no booze flowing, and the presenters half-arsed jokes seemed even crappier than usual. Brian started fidgeting as Placebo weren't there to present or collect an award, and he was bored. Half way through some crappy emo-band's performance, he poked Stef in the side, which caused Stef to giggle as it was his ticklish spot.
“Steeeeefff, I'm boooored” he said, looking up at him with huge eyes.
Stef sighed and rolled his eyes.
“God it’s like being with a child, you need entertaining 24/7” he said. Brian pouted slightly, then licked his lips suggestively.
“You know you love it” he said, as he casually placed his hand on Stef’s knee and slowly started sliding it upwards.
“Fuck Bri, not here!” Stef gasped in shock, but didn’t make any attempt to stop him. Brian grinned devilishly, as he quickly moved his hand over the growing bulge in Stef’s trousers. Stef bit his lip to stop himself making a noise, as he suddenly remembered where they were. He stood up so quick, he nearly sent both the table and Brian flying. He took Bri’s hand, and was about to head off towards the toilets when he stopped. He quickly grabbed the Polaroid camera off the table.
“This might come in handy” he whispered into Brian’s ear before marching him off across the back of the hall. Brian giggled as he looked back at the confused Steve, and blew him a kiss. They pushed their way into the empty men’s toilets and within seconds Stef had pinned Brian against the wall. Their mouths came crashing together, and needy hands explored each others bodies. Brian pushed his hips up against the taller man and moaned into their unbreaking kiss. His hands moved effortlessly up the back of Stef’s shirt and across to his chest. Stef moved against Brian and wound his hands down to the hem of his trousers. He was just about to open the fly when a loud hiccup announced someone’s presence.
“What the fuck?” Brian uttered as Stef broke away and looked around the toilet. Another hiccup sounded from the corner of the room, and they cautiously approached the last cubicle.
“You open it..” Brian said, sounding rather worried as he prodded Stef in the back. Stef took a deep breath and flung open the cubicle door to reveal..
..Casey Chaos, slumped on the floor of the cubicle against the toilet, clutching a rather large (and half empty) bottle of absinthe. He looked up with obvious difficulty and slowly focused his eyes on the pair peering at him from the doorway.
“Aha, its the gender-confused, bandmate-fucking, angsty-goth rock midget himself..” he slurred, whilst trying to grin evilly at Brian. It didn’t work very well. Brian let out a short laugh and glared at him.
“And I see its the hardcore punk-wannabe, bandmate-less, alcoholic loser dwarf.” he spat back.
“Oh my isn’t it in a bitchy mood tonight?” Casey turned and started talking to the wall, “must be on its period” he managed to say before he slumped back against the side.
Stefan laughed slightly, but then stopped as he saw the infuriated look on Brian’s face. He just about managed to pull himself together, and grab hold of the singer as he lunged at the now unconscious Casey Chaos.
“I’m gonna kill him! The bitch!” he started yelling and trying to wrench himself free of Stef’s grip.
“Leave it hun, look he’s pissed. He doesn’t know what he’s saying” Stef tried to calm him down, as he held his arms behind his back. Eventually Brian calmed down enough for Stef to let him go. He stood there for a second trying to catch his breath, still glaring at the figure slumped on the floor.
“Come on, we had better get back to the awards, people will wonder where we have gone” Stef said, and Bri nodded his head in agreement. He moved towards the door and was about to walk out when he realised Brian wasn’t following. He turned back around and saw Brian hunched over the unconscious body.
“Bri, what are you doing?” he asked curiously as he walked back. Brian turned around triumphantly with a big grin on his face. He was holding the bottle of absinthe.
“He won’t be needing this!” he giggled, as he looked up at Stef. Stef smiled and was about to help him back to his feet, when Brian turned back to Casey, giggling even more.
“What now?...” Stef started to say. “Oh, no, don’t do that” he said, as a laughing Brian turned the drunken singer over and pulled his trousers down. He pulled out a bright red lipstick from his pocket and scrawled “Bri xxx” over his arse cheeks, then stood up still giggling. He grabbed the camera from Stef’s hand and quickly took a photo of Casey’s newly decorated arse.
Just then they heard someone opening the toilet door, so they quickly skipped out of the cubicle and back into the main hall. They worked their way past the tables, until Brian found the one he was sure was theirs, until he accidentally sat on Gwen Stefani’s lap.
“Oops wrong table luv!” he giggled as Stef pulled him back onto his feet and dragged him further across the room. They eventually found the correct table and collapsed onto their chairs in fits of laughter. Steve just raised an eyebrow as he noticed the bottle of absinthe and the camera still in Brian’s hands.
“What have you two been up to?” he asked, leaning across the table.
“Oh the usual, making out in the toilet, finding alcohol, stripping Casey Chaos...” Brian replied as he started giggling again.
“You what?!” Steve started to say, as Brian smugly pushed the Polaroid picture across the table. Steve couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle despite himself. It really was quite a funny image. He was about to reply to Brian when the awards presenter started speaking again.
“Well I’d like to thank you all for attending, and for holding up the alcohol ban. Now it’s time for the after party! So loosen your ties, let your hair down and have a good time!” he beamed happily.
“Not without booze we won’t” Some grumpy smart arse called out from the back of the room. The presenter just smiled again in the voice’s general direction and jumped off the stage as the DJ started playing some music.
About half an hour later and the “party” was dragging along. Everyone was bored and complaining, except one strange guy who was claiming he was “high on Jesus” and “God is all you need to make you happy”. He was promptly bottled by angry rock stars and locked in a nearby cupboard.
Brian and Stefan had finished the bottle of Absinthe between them, but found it quite boring as no-one else was pissed. Stefan sat back in his chair, as Brian tried to flick peanuts into a sleeping Steve’s wide open mouth. Eventually he grew tired of this though, and sat on Stef’s lap looking up at him.
“Steeef...” he started to whine,
“I’m booooored” finished Stef in a high pitched voice. Brian just let out a sigh.
“I need something to do, I’m going crazy here.” he said, resting his small head against Stef’s chest. Stef looked around the room, trying to find some inspiration. Eventually his eyes settled on the camera on the table.
“I have an idea.. It’s a bit of a challenge” Stef smiled to himself as he spoke. Brian lifted his head up immediately and grinned.
“What kind of challenge?!” he asked excitedly, looking like a little child.
“Weeell, you know you took a picture of Casey’s arse?” Stef said, then continued as Brian nodded, “I bet you can’t get take 5 more photos of famous people’s arses!” Brian grinned at the idea and slid himself closer to Stef.
“And what if I do manage it?” he asked, with a devilish glint in his eye.
“Then I will do anything you want tonight. Anything” Stef replied, emphasizing the last word by flicking his tongue across his lips.
“Oh you’re on baby! See you in the bedroom!” Brian grinned as he grabbed the camera and slid off Stef’s lap.
He set off around the room, trying to find his first likely candidate. He was just about the head towards the dance floor when someone pulled his arm. Brian found himself being yanked into a tiny broom cupboard. He looked around to see Nick Oliveri and Josh Homme of Queens of the Stoneage, who were both grinning manically.
“Hey guys!” Brian squealed, and pulled them both into a hug before they could protest. When he finally broke away, Nick started talking eagerly.
“Look we’ve got a plan, but we need some help carrying it out. Are you in?” he said. Brian raised an eyebrow curiously.
“What's the plan?” he asked.
“Well its a dried up party, what do you think the plan is?” Josh asked sarcastically.
“Oh yeh good point, Booze run eh?” Brian replied as a grin started to spread across his face.
“Yeh some of the guys went out earlier to an off license. But we need some help getting it past the security guards” Nick continued.
“Aha, a diversion is in order then?” Brian asked. Nick grinned back at him.
“You got it.” he cackled in delight. The three of them huddled closer and discussed the plans for the diversion...
10 minutes later and Brian found himself standing outside in the freezing cold with Nick, whilst Josh checked the alcohol runners were coming from the right direction. Brian blew on his hands to try and get some warmth back into them, but to no avail. Suddenly he was nudged in the ribs by Nick, and he looked up to see 4 men in the distance, carrying what seemed to be about 50 blue plastic bags between them. Brian nearly burst out laughing at the sight, but tried to keep a serious face as he was dragged off towards the guards. He sidled up to the nearest one and gave him a wink.
“Hey!” he drawled, striking up a conversation, “Isn’t it a bit cold for you to be out here?” The guard looked suspiciously back at him.
“Well its our job, we have to make sure no-one un-authorised gets in” he said in a voice similar to a grunt. Brian just smiled his sweetest smile.
“Awww, it must get boring out here on your own. We’ve come out to entertain you!” he simpered back, motioning to Nick who just grinned. The guard raised an eyebrow.
“Sooo...what kind of things do you.. erm.. guard?” Brian asked, trying to keep the guards attention as the crowd of alcohol crept closer.
“Well I mostly work at clubs and pubs, but I get hired for private functions like this sometimes” the guard started rambling. Brian nodded, appearing interested.
“Haha, I bet the private functions are a bit of a ..handful” Brian replied cheekily, emphasizing the innuendo. The guard gave a short smile, which looked like it hurt, then looked over Brian’s shoulder as he spotted something creeping closer to the door.
“What's that....” he began to say, as Brian desperately tried to get his attention back. The alcohol party hid by a wall, but it looked as though the guard had seen them. So Brian quickly grabbed Nick, and in one swift movement pulled down his trousers and boxers.
Nick let out a very girly scream, which made Brian chuckle, then ran off in front of the guard showing his bare arse. Brian laughed at the look on the guards face, then suddenly remembered his camera. He pulled it out of his pocket and got a snap of his second arse of the night. The guard just stared as though they were both mad, and the four men with the bags quickly snuck in the door beside him unnoticed. Brian ran in the door after them, quickly followed by Josh and a still very half-naked Nick.
They collapsed on the floor just inside the hallway in fits of giggles. Nick managed to pull his trousers back up, so that he wouldn't flash any unsuspecting innocent people. Brian got to his knees and crawled over to the bags of alcohol, inspecting the contents. Most of the bags seemed to contain very strong spirits. The perfect drink for a good night! He grinned to himself as he pocketed a few bottles of Vodka before the others could regain their composure. Finally when everyone had stopped laughing, they gathered all the bags up and crept quietly back into the main hall. They took about 10 bags each and set off around the hall, distributing the goods to increasingly happy rock stars. Brian made his way back to his table, and sat himself down next to Stef grinning. He greeted him by kissing him on the lips, then placing a bottle of vodka in his hands. Stef just stared as Brian proceeded to hand out bottles of vodka around the table.
"Where did you go HEY VODKA!" Steve said as his bottle was handed to him. He eagerly opened it, then paused and looked at Brian suspiciously.
"Hang on, where did you get this?" He asked curiously, as he sniffed the contents. "It's not piss is it?"
"Aww Stevie would I do that to you? Hang on don't answer that.. Some of the boys from Queens of the Stoneage went on a booze run, I was just helping them to create a diversion" Brian replied, happily swigging from his own bottle. Steve looked hesitant for a while, then decided to go with the flow and drink with everyone else.
Pretty soon the hall was full of loud, inebriated rock stars who were either arguing, singing, dancing or drinking.
“Party’s in full swing!” Brian grinned mischievously at Stef, as he had now managed to seat himself in the taller mans lap once again.
Stef just smiled back, obviously too pissed to form proper words. Brian was beginning to feel quite horny with all the alcohol, so he moved closer to Stef and started running his hand up his thigh. Stef just sat there, his grin getting even wider, when suddenly he grabbed Brian’s hand. Brian pouted and looked up.
“Nooo nooo, you haff to get fhree mooore..” Stef managed to slur.
“Oh shit! I totally forgot the challenge!” Brian exclaimed, and hopped off of Stef’s lap. We walked off across the room towards the dance floor, and scanned it for any likely candidates. Luckily he didn’t have to search for long, as Dave Grohl bumped into him and promptly pulled him onto the dance floor.
“Briii! Come daance wif me!” he yelled as he spun him round. Brian just agreed and danced with him, whilst trying to think up a plan to get that third picture..
Suddenly he smiled to himself as he thought of something. Dave obviously didn’t notice as he stumbled around, trying to avoid stepping on peoples feet.
“Hey Dave?” Brian yelled over the music as he prodded his dance partner.
“Is it true that you had a tattoo of yourself on your arse?” he asked, laughing slightly. Dave just looked very confused in his drunken state.
“Nooo, where did you hear that?” he asked.
“Oh everyone’s heard. I bet you’re just denying it.” Brian said, smiling maliciously as Dave tried to remember if he did indeed have that tattoo.
“Noo I’m pretty sure I don’t..” he replied, now looking very confused.
“Haha prove it!” Brian said, as he poked him in the ribs. Dave actually nodded and was about to pull down him trousers in the middle of the dance floor. Brian grabbed his hand to stop him.
“Hey, lets go somewhere a bit more private, we don’t want to scare everyone now do we?” he said in a rather patronising tone, leading him like a child to the corner of the room. Once they were there, Dave rather obediently turned around and pulled down his trousers. Brian uhmmed and ahhed whilst searching for his camera. He finally found it and quickly took a picture, then shoved it back in his pocket and turned Dave around.
“Nope, I must have been mistaken. Nothing there” he said, as Dave grinned.
“I told you! But hey.. what was that flash?” he asked. Brian froze for a second, hoping his quick mouth would save him.
“Umm. I used a torch to get a better look. Some people have.. er.. white tattoo’s..” he bluffed rather unconvincingly. But Dave seemed to buy it, and Brian happily skipped off to the buffet table. /Number three!/ he thought to himself gleefully. /Now only two more and Steffie’s sweet arse is mine!/
Brian was standing by the buffet table, trying to work out what was edible, when all of a sudden something small hit him on the side of the head. He quickly turned around only to find there was no-one there. He shook his head and turned back to the table, picking up a few small things carefully. Then something hit him again, this time on his ear. He spun around to once again find nothing. He looked all around him, when he suddenly heard a faint giggling. It was coming from the end of the buffet table so he carefully tiptoed down to the end, and peeked over the edge. There, collapsed on the floor was Marilyn Manson, wearing a very shit-faced grin.
“Heeeeey Bri!” he smiled, as Brian sat down beside him.
“Fucking hell you’re slaughtered!” Brian replied, “No more alcohol for you!” Marilyn started to pout.
“Noooo I’m not pished, I can drink loads more!” he said rather unconvincingly. Brian grinned as a devilish idea entered his mind.
“Oh really? I bet I can drink more than you!” he said, bringing out a bottle of vodka from his pocket and grabbing a few shot glasses from the table beside him.
“You’re on!” Manson yelled a little bit too loudly, as Brian started to pour the shots. He grinned as he raised his glass and downed it. As Brian did the same, he noticed Manson closed his eyes when he downed his shot.. /This makes it even easier!/ he thought to himself. He quickly poured the next shot, but instead of downing it, he threw it over his shoulder. As Marilyn had his eyes closed and was already very pissed, he didn’t notice a thing! Over the next five shots of vodka, Brian emptied one onto a food tray, tipped one under the table, handed one to a passer-by, and even hid one behind Manson. As Marilyn slammed another glass down on the floor, he looked at Brian in a very confused way.
“But.. it’s having no effect on you!” he complained. Brian just grinned.
“I told you, I can hold my drink!” he replied, “But you, you are quite clearly pissed!”
“Noo I’m not! I can down more!” Manson retorted as he went for his sixth shot. Brian didn’t even bother hiding his, and when Manson opened his eyes he didn’t even notice that Brian had a full shot glass in his hand.
“Another?” Brian said cheekily, raising one eyebrow.
“Argh fuck no I can’t. I think my liver just died” Manson replied, finally giving up. Brian gave a small cheer, then pulled him to his feet.
“What? What now?” Manson asked, turning to look at Brian.
“Well I won, now you have to do the forfeit” Brian replied mischievously.
“Ahh fuck, I don’t remember any forfeit? What is it?” he asked, now looking rather worried.
“You have to streak around the room” Brian replied simply, already clutching his camera in his pocket. Manson looked relieved as he started to strip, handing his clothes to Brian.
“Is that all? That's easy, I do it all the time” he said, as he set off running around the hall. Brian just laughed at the sight of a six foot something goth running around the room naked. Then he quickly took a photo and stashed it in his pocket with the others.
As he was thinking of who to target for his next victim, Brian felt someone tap him on the shoulder. He turned around to find Steve looking at him rather bemusedly.
“Did that have anything to do with you?” He asked, pointing to the naked Manson who was now trying to chat up some transvestites.
“Maybe..” Brian grinned at him. Steve just rolled his eyes.
“Well we’re off now. We are getting a cab back because I’ve had too much to drink, and you’re gonna have to help me carry Stef. He’s nearly paralysed” Steve said.
“Noo we can’t go yet! I have to.. er.. do something..” Brian yelled, clinging onto his arm.
“Oh come on Bri, everyone else is leaving now” Steve said, trying to shake him off. Brian looked around and found that everyone really was leaving.
“But.. but.. now I can’t have Steffy!” Brian said, desperately looking around him for naked people.
“What the hell are you talking about Bri?” Steve asked, looking very confused.
“Well...erm.. Stef bet me I couldn’t get photos of 5 naked arses..” He confessed sheepishly.
“Haha and I suppose Stef is the main prize?” Steve replied, smiling.
“You got it. But I only have 4 photos, and I really wanted to get laid tonight..” Brian pouted as he pulled the pictures and camera out of his pocket.
“Well I’m afraid we have to go now. Unless you can find a likely candidate in the next 5 seconds” Steve said as he turned towards the door. Suddenly Brian’s eyes lit up and he ran forward, grabbing Steve around the waist.
“What now?” Steve asked, starting to get slightly irritated.
“YOU! You can be the fifth one! Pleeeeease Stevie?” Brian said sweetly, fluttering his eyelashes.
“Oh no, not me..” Steve stuttered, as he started to back away.
“Oh pleeease Steve? No-one will ever know it was you. I promise” Brian pleaded, clutching Steve’s hands in his own. Steve considered for a moment as he looked down at his begging band mate.
“Fine, OK” he sighed, as he gave in. Brian smiled and pulled him into the toilets.
“Where do you want me?” Steve asked as he pulled down his trousers.
“Its not a fucking photo shoot Steve! Just stand against the wall” Brian instructed as he turned the camera on. He smiled as he took the photo.
“Ok, all done now. Nice arse Steve!” Brian said as he erupted into giggles. Steve pulled up his trousers and pouted as they walked out of the door.
“Don’t laugh, I’m doing you a favour here” he said grumpily.
“Awww I love ya really Steve, thanks” Brian said, as he stood on tiptoes and kissed Steve on the cheek. He swore Steve started blushing.
When they found their table, they were surprised to find Stef standing up on his own, and all ready to leave.
“Hey, we ready to go now?” he asked them.
“Yup, all done” Brian smiled as he linked his arm in Stef’s and started walking out the door. Steve followed them, and Brian suspected he was still blushing. They eventually found their cab and piled inside. Steve got dropped off first, and as Stef was about to tell the driver his address, Brian instructed him to go to his own place.
“Oh no, you’re coming back with me!” he giggled as he threw the photos onto Stef’s lap. Stef started laughing as he looked through them.
“Who is that?” he asked as picked up the last one, “It looks familiar”
“Well it would do..” Brian grinned.
“Hang on, you’re not allowed to use yourself” Stef protested.
“Noo.. it’s not me..” Brian replied, still grinning mysteriously.
“Well who is it?” Stef said, looking very confused.
“It’s Steve!” Brian said, as Stef started to laugh.
“How the hell did you manage to get a picture of Steve?!” Stef asked through his giggles. Brian just tapped the side of his nose, and gathered up the photos.
They finally arrived at Brian’s place, and they both stumbled out of the cab and up the stairs to the front door. Stef was still giggling at the photo of Steve’s arse as he sat himself down on the sofa.
“Drink?” Brian called from the doorway of his kitchen.
“Nah I’m fine” Stef replied. He started flicking through the rest of the photos.
“Who are the rest of?” he asked as Brian sat himself down next to him, holding a large coffee.
“Umm.. Nick Oliveri, Dave Grohl and Marilyn Manson” he said grinning at the memory.
“How the hell did you manage to get those?” Stef asked disbelievingly.
“That’s a story for another time. Right now its time for this..” Brian said as he leapt across onto Stef and pinned him to the sofa. Stef didn’t complain. He ran his hands along the smaller mans waist and kissed him hungrily. Brian shifted his position so he was straddling Stef, with his legs either side of his waist. He started tugging at the buttons on his shirt, and eventually managed to get them open, revealing Stef’s slim chest. Stef moaned slightly as he ran his hands through Brian's short dark hair, pulling him closer. He pulled his shirt off and threw it onto the floor. Brian paused for a moment to pull his own shirt off, then he slid down closer to Stef, revelling in the feel of their bare skin. He continued to kiss him, their tongues fighting against each other. He moved one hand down towards Stef’s trousers, and started rubbing his palm against the growing bulge in his groin. Stef’s breathing started to grow quicker, now coming in short pants.
Brian sat up, pulling Stef up with him, and got off the sofa.
“Come on, bedroom” he said through heavy breaths, grabbing Stef’s hand. He started to walk towards his bedroom door, when Stef stopped and quickly ran back to the hallway. He re-emerged holding something, and Brian quickly pulled him into the room in his desperation.
“Can’t forget the camera! This is going to come in very useful!”
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