Stefan and the VCR

Author: Deementia
Rating:
Pairing: Stef/OC (a VCR)

Steve lounged on his couch with his band mates, Stefan & Brian, sprawled next to him. They'd all consumed more than their fair shared of alcohol (with a few other substances thrown in, both legal and not) and didn't feel like moving. So, all in all, it was a typical Sunday afternoon in Placebo world.
"Hey, is either of you bums gonna get up and rewind the videotape?" Steve moaned. 'Spice World' had ended several minutes earlier. Normally Steve wouldn't have cared but staring at the blue screen for 5 minutes was starting to make his brain ache and his vision blur. Brian told Stefan to do it and shoved him off the couch. Stef stumbled over to the entertainment center and after several jabs managed to hit the eject button.
Brian started giggling madly. "Hey, Stef !"
"Huh?"
"Why the hell do you have a hard on?"
"Wot? Oh" Stef glanced down at himself and dismissively said, "I didn't even notice." But his face flushed when Steve burst out laughing.
"Those Spice Girls are hot, eh? Especially that Posh one." He teased.
"No! Uh... it was... Alan Cumming, he always has that effect on me. I swear."
"Yeah, whatever Steffy. You keep tellin' yourself that." Brian snickered and tried to hide the fact that he was getting hard merely thinking of Stefan hard.
"Stop laughing and help me out then!"
"Wank." Steve & Brian said in unison.
"Come on, puhleeeeeeease Brian. Since when do you turn down free sex?"
"No, I've got a headache." He smiled up at Stefan sweetly. Stef began to pout, but he just didn't do it as well as Brian so no one responded. Seeing Stefan standing next to the waist-high VCR gave Brian an evil idea.
"I know how to help you."
"What, gonna give me a blowjob?"
"No."
"Handjob?"
"Nooooo." Bri smiled devilishly.
"What then?"
"I dare you to fuck that VCR."
"I think not, I'm not THAT desperate, unlike SOME people," Stef snorted with derision. It'd been nearly a year since Brian's run in with his refrigerator, even longer since the toaster incident, but Steve & Stef always took the opportunity to remind Brian of it. His cock was pretty much back to normal so no more fucking appliances for him, he'd learned his lesson well enough. He was always up for seeing other people doing it though.
"I'll let you take me if you do it, any way you want."
Stef thought about it for all of three seconds, the dropped his trousers. Steve groaned and pressed his face into the couch cushion.
Stef sighed and thrust his cock into the video cassette slot. A message popped up on the television screen, "Invalid cassette, please eject and try again." Stefan pulled out, the message disappeared. He pushed back in, the message flashed back on.
"I can't believe I'm doing this," he shook his head sadly and flipped the power off.
"Neither can I," came a muffled reply from Steve.
"I CAN!" Brian shrieked and bounced up and down on his perch atop Steve's ass. "Too bad it doesn't talk!"
"So how long do I have to do this before we fuck?"
"Till you cum!"
Steve leaped up, dumping Brian off. "NO! NO! No one will be getting any cum in my VCR!"
Stef just kept pumping away, starting to really get into it.
"UH! Buuuuut Steeeeevieeeeeee..." Brian whined and pounced on Steve's back.
"NO, he'll just have to pull out before he shoots."
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, yeah baby! Oooh nice." Stefan had his eyes closed, imagining Alan Cumming, no doubt.
"Well, you're no fun!" Brian bit Steve's neck playfully.
"Owww DAMN, your teeth are bloody sharp!" Steve pulled Brian off and began tickling him. "I am so fun, I'm lots of fun!" They tumbled around on the floor. It was at times like that - rolling around together, gruntling and panting, arms entangled - that Brian questionned Steve's claims to straighteness.
"Oh Stevie, I never knew you felt this way about me." Brian's smart mouth and the grope he gave Steve's ass made Steve double his attack.
"Not a chance, fruitcake."
Stefan was oblivious to all but the bliss of the VCR, which he was pounding hard now. "Oh god YES!"
"Stop iiiiiiiiiiit!" Brian gasped.
"Oooooooh FUCK!" Stefan groaned, but not in pleasure this time.
"See? I'm way fun. I just don't want my VCR to be ruined." Steve defended himself. "How'd I explain that to my girlfriend?"
"Hey, guys..." Steve had started tickling Brian again, neither noticed Stefan had stopped fucking the VCR, his face frozen in horror.
"Mercy, MERCY! I give up!" Brian shrieked as Steve pinned him on the floor.
"HEY!" Brian & Steve stopped laughing abruptly and gaped at Stefan. "Help... please."
"What's wrong Steffy, the VCR roll over and fall asleep?"
"I'm stuck!"
"Holy hell, how'd that happen?" They both scrambled to their feet and rushed to Stef's side.
"I uh... guess I swelled or something."
"Don't fuck with me Stef. You can't be stuck in my VCR." Steve slowly shook his head in disbelief.
"I'm not joking, I'm really stuck. I guess I got a little too enthusiastic."
Brian burst out laughing, doubled over.
"Would you just shut up and help me? This is all your fault anyway!"
"Just cum and you'll shrivel up again."
"I can't move at all, dumbass." Steve & Brian grasped him around the waist and tried to pull him out, but had to stop when Stef complained that the skin of his cock was being ripped off. They tried to lube him up, to no avail. They tried to take apart the VCR but since none of them were very mechanical, they couldn't figure out how to get it open. They phoned Bill, but he didn't answer his mobile.
"I've got an idea! We could just wait until you get soft again. Just think of the queen in her knickers or your mom or something."
Steve and Brian sunk onto the couch and stared at him, fidgeting with anticipation.
"I'm sorry, it's just not working."
"Why not?"
"You guys are here," Stef confessed. "It's actually making me harder." Steve looked disgusted, Brian looked delighted.
"Well, we could leave."
Just then, Steve's phone rang. He stepped out while Brian & Stef tried to think of another plan.
"It's starting to get numb Bri, I'm scared. My weewee is gonna fall off." Tears began to trickle down Stef's cheeks.
Then Steve burst in, "You better figure something out soon! Gertrude Mavis will be back in 15 minutes."
"Oh, that's a good plan. She'd make any man go soft for sure." Brian tittered at his own joke, Stef just kept crying, Steve chose to ignore the insult of his girlfriend and set about to unplugging the VCR.
"We gotta get you out of here or she'll kill me."
"Well, what then? Is he gonna have to carry around a VCR in his trousers for ever? Oh, the fan ficcers would love that!"
"I'm gonna die," Stef sobbed harder.
"Go to the hospital then."
"Nooooooooooo! Please no."
"Have you got a better suggestion?"
Stef shook his head miserably and picked up the VCR.
"Okay then, have fun guys." Steve tried to push them towards the door.
"Oh no-no Stevie, you're coming too, it's your VCR. Call Gertie and tell her you had to go to the emergency room cuz Stef's ill or something."
"I knew I should've gotten a DVD player,self pity" Steve said grumpily as he punched in his girlfriend's number.They managed to get Stef's trousers up and fastened, get a cab, and pretend that Stef was just holding a VCR in his lap as they rode to the hospital in silence.

***

The nurse didn't ask how it happened, just smirked. It was obvious. She'd seen some strange cases of people copulating with foreign objects and getting into trouble before, but Stef's was by far most amusing.
"See Ste, this isn't too bad. You only have to stay here for a night." Brian tried to comfort Stef after she'd left them.
"Yeah, whatever." Stef leaned back on the bed and shut his eyes, trying to block the memory of the past day.
It'd taken the doctors a couple of hours to figure out how to extract his manhood from the VCR and a couple hours more to poke and prod him to make sure there wouldn't be any permanent damage. He was bandaged but sore, the pain killers didn't seem to be helping much at all. Now Steve & Brian wouldn't leave him alone to wself-pityand dwell on his gauze covered cock. Worst of all, Bill was there too and he had to re-tell the entire story, much to Bill's bemusement.
"Hey Brian, you still owe me a fuck!"
"No way Steffy, no deal. You never came."

THE END