Sneak Into Your Room

Author: Lust_n_lunacy
Ratings:
PART 1:
PART 2:
PART 3:
PART 4:
Pairing: Stef/Bri
Description: An explanation behind the answering machine messages in the hidden song, Evil Dildo on Without You I'm Nothing. To escape the stalker, Stefan invites Brian to stay with him for a while.
"Original" link

PART 1:

“Hey motherfucker, I'm after you.”

Brian paced back and forth across the room as the answering machine screened yet another message. Some lunatic got a hold of his home phone number and had been calling him all week, several times a day. Brian was at the point where he didn’t even bother to pick up the phone anymore; he just let the machine get it. If it was someone he wanted to speak with he could call them back later.

A shiver passed through Brian’s spine as the caller finished, “...I know where you live” and then hung up leaving only the sound of a chilling dial tone.

Brian froze in his tracks. Previously he had laughed at this guy, obviously some wanker had just got a hold of his number and decided it would be fun boast to his friends how he pranked that fairy boy Brian Molko. But that last message was different, what if this psycho really did know where he lived?

He picked up the phone and thought momentarily, chewing anxiously on his lower lip, before dialling a number he knew off by heart.

Brian's body shivered as the phone rang.

"Pick up. Pick up. Pick up," he repeated nervously to himself.

"Hello?" the man on the other line answered. He seemed to be at a party or a club because Brian could hear an electronic techno beat pounding in the background.

"Hi, Stef," Brian said, his voice shaking. "Listen. Could you come over here? For tonight?"

Stef noted Brian's tone of voice and instantly knew something was seriously wrong. This was the man who was the bravest person he knew. Brian Molko did not get scared unless something was wrong.

"Brian, what's wro-- I'll be over as soon as I can." Stef told him.

Brian stood there silently still as Stef hung up. His mind cleared and he hung up the phone.

It's going to be ok. Stef'll protect you, he had to tell himself as he curled up on the couch and covered himself with a warm and soft blanket.

***

Hazily, Brian woke to the sight of a tall, dark silhouette hovering over him. The figure stepped closer and took hold of his arm. Brian’s reflexes kicked in, his legs flailed, sending his attacker to the floor.

His heart was racing a million miles an hour and adrenaline had kicked in. Brian leapt on top of the figure sprawled on the floor, and clutched his hands tightly around the bastard’s neck. The person beneath him was flailing madly, reaching for something in the dark… a weapon perhaps? …Not if Brian could help it, his grip tightened.

Light poured over the darkened room as the assailant grabbed at the tableside lamp. Brian froze taken aback. The person beneath him was not some crazy stalker. Crazy perhaps… but not a stalker.


PART 2:

“Oh my god, Stef!!? Are you okay????”

"I bloody well was, until you attacked me," Stef cursed at Brian as he got to his feet, brushing off the dust collected on his tight black leather pants. He looked down to see Brian on the verge of tears.

Sitting back down on the floor next to him, Stef held him tightly.

"I'm sorry, baby," he whispered softly before kissing him on the temple. A single tear dropped down on Brian's pale cheek. Stef lifted his finger to catch it and wipe it away.

"No more tears," Stef told him, looking at Brian with a half-smile on his face. Even Brian couldn't stay depressed when he saw that adorable face looking back at him. He leaned up to kiss the Swedish bassist's cheek softly, the stubble roughly tickling at his lips. He let out a small yelp, which was partly happy.

"See? You're feeling better already," Stef said, happy with the results he was already getting from Brian. "How 'bout I make you some tea? Would that make you feel any better?"

"Well, maybe if you add a special ingredient," Brian smirked. Stef laughed as he continued holding onto Brian. He had returned to his normal self; now comfortable with Stef by his side.

"I'm sure I can manage that," Stef said, getting up from the floor and walking in the direction of the kitchen. As he reached the door of the kitchen, the phone rang once again. Stef froze into position and turned his head back to Brian.

“Let it go” Brian ordered as he walked into the kitchen, Stef followed.

Brian picked up the kettle, and then eyed the bottle of whiskey. “Screw it,” he said discarding the kettle in favour of the whiskey alone.

After a couple of long gulps, Stef took the bottle from Brian. He knew lately Bri hadn’t been eating properly and that anything would go straight to his head.

“Why aren’t you picking up? …Avoiding some trick again?” Stef teased, nudging Brian’s hip. Though Brian didn’t retort with some snark or witty remark, instead he silently stared at the blank wall; tears welling in his eyes, but he refused to make a scene.

“Shit” Brian murmured as he swiped at his face with his forearm. Crying wasn’t his style, it wasn’t pretty, and it just wasn’t done.

Towering over the delicate frame before him Stef raised Brian’s face to look at him. He cupped the side of Brian’s cheek and slid the singer’s long black locks of hair behind his ear, revealing more of his beautiful face.

“Tell me” Stefan said plainly, looking in Brian’s tortured eyes.

Brian hesitated and half-heartedly attempted to retreat from Stefan’s hold, but it just made the Swede all the more forceful. “Brian, TELL ME.”

“It’s just some bastard. You know that guy that called me a couple of times a few weeks back?”

“Yeah, what a joke.”

“Well… it’s getting worse.”

“How much worse??” Stef questioned, beginning to get some sense of the fear emanating from his lover.

The phone rang again, and wide eyed, Brian listened for the message, “…a lot worse.”

Brian padded back into the lounge and retrieved the two missed messages, “Message received at 9:50pm, Thursday… play: ‘I will fuck you up the ass and I will sneak into your room and cut your cock off and stuff it in my mouth and chew it up with my little teeth.’” “Fuuuuck,” Stefan exhaled in shocked surprise, “Brian this guy is a psycho. Why didn’t you tell us things were getting this bad?”

“I just figured he’d stop eventually. Anyway, I’m getting my number changed soon…although, now I’m not so sure that’s going to help.” Brian grabbed tentatively at Stefan’s hand he didn’t need to play the second message to know what it contained, “Stef, I think he knows where I live.”

“That’s it we’re getting you out of here. At least for tonight till we get the coppers involved.”

“Where can I go? Beanie’s got Emily this week, so his spare room’s taken...”

Stefan looked at Brian incredulously, “Brian you’re staying with me.”


PART 3:

Stef glanced over to the passenger seat to how he was doing but he couldn't really tell since sunglasses masked the expressions in Brian's eyes. Instead, he reached over and gently and lovingly caressed at Brian's soft cheek.

"You know, I'm surprised I got you to pack. Usually, you put up a fight," Stef said with a small chuckle.

Brian sighed, still worried about the calls, and leaned his head into Stef's soft touch. It made him feel better to know that he was right there for him. He knew was safe with Stef. He had to fight back tears again but they were caused by a completely different reason.

Brian hoped Stef wouldn't notice the tears; he turned on the radio and played around with the radio stations until he found a song that would make him feel better.

"Oi," Stef said, playfully annoyed with Brian. He winked down at the guitar playing nancy boy.

It seemed useless now to listen to the radio because Stef pulled into the parking lot of the building where his flat was.

"Home sweet home," Stef said after finding a spot to park. He kissed Brian's cheek and got out of the drivers seat. Brian reached for his bag that rested on the back seat but that was before he heard Stef protest.

"You're a guest. And I won't have the guest carry his own bag up to my flat," Stef told him. He opened the back door of his car and retrieved the heavy bag. "Christ, Molks, I told you to pack for a couple of days, not as if you'd never see your flat ever again."

In elegant Molko fashion, Brian extended his middle finger up at Stef and giggled. He exited the car and waited for Stef to walk up next to him. Brian grabbed onto his free hand and held it innocently as they both went inside the building.


Stef laid out a blanket on the couch as Brian arranged some pillows.

“Brian, I told you, I don’t mind taking the couch, you can have the bed.”

“Don’t be such a tosser, I’m not going to kick you out of your own room. It’s bad enough as it is that I had to come here,” he said without thinking.

Dejected, Stef looked at Brian. “Bad enough? Hey it’s not like I forced you, you’re quite welcome to leave.”

Moving closer toward Stef, Brian sighed as he latched his hands around Stefan’s hips. “Don’t be like that, you know what I mean,” he murmured into the cradle of Stef’s neck.

Succumbing to his charms, Stef took Brian by the waste and stepped back, so he could take in the full sight. “Yeah, I know.” Smiling as he cupped Brian’s bare face, Stefan noted how beautiful his features were, even without his coal black eyeliner and lipsticks. Following instinct he drew Brian in and their lips softly grazed against the others.

Stefan parted from his hold on Brian and moved toward the bedroom doorway, but midway across the room he stopped and turned around, “You know where to find me... if you need me.”


PART 4:

Brian tossed and turned on the couch. No matter which way he laid he couldn’t get comfortable. Finally in a burst of frustration he sent a pillow sailing across the room, “Christ! Even the tour bus is better than this!”

He wandered across the room looking for his pillow, but in the darkness it proved to be a difficult task. Somehow Brian found himself standing outside Stefan’s bedroom door. It was slightly ajar so Brian pushed it further, just to see if Stef was also awake. The door creaked from the motion and by the moonlight streaming through the window Brian could see Stef asleep in the large Queen sized bed.

Brian chuckled to himself, a Queen sized bed for a Queen...how appropriate. He glanced back to the couch and then to the big comfortable bed where Stefan stirred slightly in his sleep.

Brian closed the door behind himself as he quietly made his way toward the welcoming space by Stefan’s side.


He slid under the covers and Stefan hazily rolled over slinking an arm around Brian’s waste pulling him close, like his very own life sized teddy bear.

“You’re awake,” Brian said in surprise.

“Mmm hmm,” Stefan eyes remained closed as he mumbled almost inaudibly.

Stef rubbed at his eyes and shifted position in the bed so that he was now facing Brian completely. He cupped Brian's cheek and he stroked it softly, using just his thumb. He was so beautiful, and the little bugger knew he was too. Stef smiled.

Brian's eyebrow lifted curiously. "What?"

"Nothing," Stef said, still smiling down at Brian.

Brian lifted up his head and planted a sweet and innocent kiss onto Stef's lips. Stef wanted to lick at Brian's tongue but he didn't dare spoil the purity of the kiss. His fingers tangled within Brian's long black hair, keeping him close even after Brian broke away from the kiss.

The moonlight shining down into the room hit the tear that fell from Brian's eye at just the right angle so that Stef saw.

"Hey," Stef said to him softly. He pulled him close and rested his head on his body. "It's alright. I'm here, remember?"

"I know," Brian said weakly. "It's j-just, I'm… so afraid still."

Stef held him tightly and kissed his forehead from the side.

"You think I'm going let some homophobic wanker even get in the same building as you?" Stef told him to reassure that he really was safe in his flat. Brian was going to stay right here under his watch until he knew that fucker was in police custody.

Brian half-smiled and turned his head to kiss Stef. He loved the way Stef felt the need to protect him. It was so sweet. The kiss, however, was anything but sweet. Brian attacked with such force that Stef playfully shoved him away.

"Watch out or you'll make me randy," Stef told him, trying with every fibre of his being to not harden. Brian was vulnerable and it wasn't right to shag him tonight. What a fine time to actually have morals he thought.

"That was the idea," Brian admitted with a smirk. Stef rolled his eyes and smiled back at him. He definitely wasn’t weak or vulnerable anymore …thank god!

Stef leaned in and kissed him, sucking on his bottom lip. Brian moaned cutely into the kiss and Stef couldn't help but smile. His hands roamed over Brian's body and soon found themselves underneath his shirt, softly caressing the warm skin beneath.

Brian sat up as he slid off his shirt and tossed it to the floor. He lay back down, before bringing Stef in for another deep kiss, tongues intertwining.

Stef pinched at his nipples playfully, knowing it was such a turn-on for Brian. He giggled at the touch and looked down to see that Stef was just as eager, his pants were tight against his body. Brian’s hand dived beneath the waistband, reached inside, and slowly started to stroke beneath.

"Mmm, Bri…" Stef moaned softly to his lover, before pitching in one last weak willed protest, “...we, we can’t.”

Brian stroked harder against Stefan’s length, determined to have his way, “Yes...we can.”

Stefan unconsciously arched his hips creating pressure against Brian and drawing a moan from them both, “I mean, we shouldn’t...” Brian smothered Stefan’s words with a deep and probing kiss that left them both panting for air.

“Fuck me,” Brian breathed into Stefan’s mouth as his stroking continued in rhythm. With feathered kisses over his lover’s jaw Brian repeated, pleading his words.

Stefan was close to the edge, but wasn’t ready for things to be over so quickly. He took hold of Brian’s wrists, pinned them above his head, rendering him powerless. Stefan straddled Brian’s legs and seeking further contact ground his hips deliciously against his lover’s body.

Brian wriggled in Stef's grip. He smiled, delighting in the painful yet extremely pleasurable feeling of the power that Stef held over him.

Stef loosened his grip on Brian's wrists and reached inside the bedside drawer. He found the lube, but then an idea came into his head. At the thought giant blissful grin spread across his face.

"What?" Brian asked him after noticing he had stopped.

"I was just thinking," Stef said, his sentence trailing off. "…if you'd want to rub it on me."

After hearing the request, Brian smiled in unison with his lover. Stef removed the hold on his captive. Swiftly, setting to task, Brian grabbed the tube eliciting the gel onto the palm of his small, pale hand. Slowly Brian began moving his hand up and down Stefan's erect length.

"Briii," Stefan moaned lightly as Brian continued to caress him gently. He worked over the length until it was ready for them both.

Brian lay down on the bed, looking up into Stef's deep, dark brown eyes. He noticed the happy twinkle that was only present when he was around Brian. "How do you want me?" Brian asked hungrily, desperate for Stef to be inside of him.

"Standing," Stef voiced, almost as if a command. Brian couldn't help but smirk as he grabbed the Swedish bassist's hand, and directed him to follow, jumping off the bed.

Stef draped his hands over Brian’s body and trailed them to remove the final barrier on his lover’s bare hips. Stef positioned Brian forcefully against the wall as he bit gently at the smooth skin on the cradle of his neck. A small cry escaped Brian's lips resulting from the force exerted as Stefan once more captured his delicate wrists above their heads. However, this was one time that Brian was more than happy to be dominated.

Stefan ached to be with Brian; unable to bear the separation any longer he briskly buried himself inside. Hips swaying, he thrust deep inside his lover as Brian embraced him tightly.

Feeling the soft, tender kisses trail over his shoulders Brian let himself relax. Stef released his wrists, preferring to take hold of Brian's petite hips, massaging vigorously. They kept the same rhythm and pulling Brian tightly against him, each thrust he moved deeper and deeper inside.

Brian moaned as Stef moved deliciously inside him. Close to completion, his hand slid down the wall, taking hold of his own fully erect length and began to stroke. Stef noticed what Brian was doing and playfully slapped the side of his arse.

"That's my job," Stef whispered breathily into Brian's ear. His voice tickled the sensitive skin. Brian slid his hand off away and Stef continued what he had started but with a faster rhythm sensing his partner’s urgency.

"Better?" Stef asked nuzzling at Brian’s neck. "Bri-aaan," he murmured against him. It wasn't much longer before he was going to come.

Brian closed his eyes and felt the pleasure inside him build with each stroke of Stef's caressing hand. "Jesus, Stef..." he groaned to his lover.

"Ohh, god, Brian!" Stef cried out, hearing his lover’s moans of delight, he could no longer hold back and with one final thrust, came inside Brian.

Brian adored the sound of his name when it was cried out in the throws of passion and gasped as he felt his lovers warming presence instantly fill him. The feeling of Stef’s hand urging him on was overwhelming as he peaked spiralling into orgasm.


Both rest their heads against the wall momentarily in an effort to regain some composure. As their racing heartbeats slowed, Stef gently pulled out of Brian and rest against his sweaty body. Brian had worn him out completely, he had a tendency to do that in many ways, and that thought brought a smile to his face. He kissed Brian’s cheek and softly murmured, “Love you”.

Brian turned in Stefan’s arms to face him.. The look in Stefan’s eyes indicated he was now off deep in thought. He closed his eyes and slowly nuzzled against Brian’s neck inhaling his musky scent, then moved to whisper in his ear... “Move in with me.”

THE END

Stefan and the VCR

Author: Deementia
Rating:
Pairing: Stef/OC (a VCR)

Steve lounged on his couch with his band mates, Stefan & Brian, sprawled next to him. They'd all consumed more than their fair shared of alcohol (with a few other substances thrown in, both legal and not) and didn't feel like moving. So, all in all, it was a typical Sunday afternoon in Placebo world.
"Hey, is either of you bums gonna get up and rewind the videotape?" Steve moaned. 'Spice World' had ended several minutes earlier. Normally Steve wouldn't have cared but staring at the blue screen for 5 minutes was starting to make his brain ache and his vision blur. Brian told Stefan to do it and shoved him off the couch. Stef stumbled over to the entertainment center and after several jabs managed to hit the eject button.
Brian started giggling madly. "Hey, Stef !"
"Huh?"
"Why the hell do you have a hard on?"
"Wot? Oh" Stef glanced down at himself and dismissively said, "I didn't even notice." But his face flushed when Steve burst out laughing.
"Those Spice Girls are hot, eh? Especially that Posh one." He teased.
"No! Uh... it was... Alan Cumming, he always has that effect on me. I swear."
"Yeah, whatever Steffy. You keep tellin' yourself that." Brian snickered and tried to hide the fact that he was getting hard merely thinking of Stefan hard.
"Stop laughing and help me out then!"
"Wank." Steve & Brian said in unison.
"Come on, puhleeeeeeease Brian. Since when do you turn down free sex?"
"No, I've got a headache." He smiled up at Stefan sweetly. Stef began to pout, but he just didn't do it as well as Brian so no one responded. Seeing Stefan standing next to the waist-high VCR gave Brian an evil idea.
"I know how to help you."
"What, gonna give me a blowjob?"
"No."
"Handjob?"
"Nooooo." Bri smiled devilishly.
"What then?"
"I dare you to fuck that VCR."
"I think not, I'm not THAT desperate, unlike SOME people," Stef snorted with derision. It'd been nearly a year since Brian's run in with his refrigerator, even longer since the toaster incident, but Steve & Stef always took the opportunity to remind Brian of it. His cock was pretty much back to normal so no more fucking appliances for him, he'd learned his lesson well enough. He was always up for seeing other people doing it though.
"I'll let you take me if you do it, any way you want."
Stef thought about it for all of three seconds, the dropped his trousers. Steve groaned and pressed his face into the couch cushion.
Stef sighed and thrust his cock into the video cassette slot. A message popped up on the television screen, "Invalid cassette, please eject and try again." Stefan pulled out, the message disappeared. He pushed back in, the message flashed back on.
"I can't believe I'm doing this," he shook his head sadly and flipped the power off.
"Neither can I," came a muffled reply from Steve.
"I CAN!" Brian shrieked and bounced up and down on his perch atop Steve's ass. "Too bad it doesn't talk!"
"So how long do I have to do this before we fuck?"
"Till you cum!"
Steve leaped up, dumping Brian off. "NO! NO! No one will be getting any cum in my VCR!"
Stef just kept pumping away, starting to really get into it.
"UH! Buuuuut Steeeeevieeeeeee..." Brian whined and pounced on Steve's back.
"NO, he'll just have to pull out before he shoots."
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, yeah baby! Oooh nice." Stefan had his eyes closed, imagining Alan Cumming, no doubt.
"Well, you're no fun!" Brian bit Steve's neck playfully.
"Owww DAMN, your teeth are bloody sharp!" Steve pulled Brian off and began tickling him. "I am so fun, I'm lots of fun!" They tumbled around on the floor. It was at times like that - rolling around together, gruntling and panting, arms entangled - that Brian questionned Steve's claims to straighteness.
"Oh Stevie, I never knew you felt this way about me." Brian's smart mouth and the grope he gave Steve's ass made Steve double his attack.
"Not a chance, fruitcake."
Stefan was oblivious to all but the bliss of the VCR, which he was pounding hard now. "Oh god YES!"
"Stop iiiiiiiiiiit!" Brian gasped.
"Oooooooh FUCK!" Stefan groaned, but not in pleasure this time.
"See? I'm way fun. I just don't want my VCR to be ruined." Steve defended himself. "How'd I explain that to my girlfriend?"
"Hey, guys..." Steve had started tickling Brian again, neither noticed Stefan had stopped fucking the VCR, his face frozen in horror.
"Mercy, MERCY! I give up!" Brian shrieked as Steve pinned him on the floor.
"HEY!" Brian & Steve stopped laughing abruptly and gaped at Stefan. "Help... please."
"What's wrong Steffy, the VCR roll over and fall asleep?"
"I'm stuck!"
"Holy hell, how'd that happen?" They both scrambled to their feet and rushed to Stef's side.
"I uh... guess I swelled or something."
"Don't fuck with me Stef. You can't be stuck in my VCR." Steve slowly shook his head in disbelief.
"I'm not joking, I'm really stuck. I guess I got a little too enthusiastic."
Brian burst out laughing, doubled over.
"Would you just shut up and help me? This is all your fault anyway!"
"Just cum and you'll shrivel up again."
"I can't move at all, dumbass." Steve & Brian grasped him around the waist and tried to pull him out, but had to stop when Stef complained that the skin of his cock was being ripped off. They tried to lube him up, to no avail. They tried to take apart the VCR but since none of them were very mechanical, they couldn't figure out how to get it open. They phoned Bill, but he didn't answer his mobile.
"I've got an idea! We could just wait until you get soft again. Just think of the queen in her knickers or your mom or something."
Steve and Brian sunk onto the couch and stared at him, fidgeting with anticipation.
"I'm sorry, it's just not working."
"Why not?"
"You guys are here," Stef confessed. "It's actually making me harder." Steve looked disgusted, Brian looked delighted.
"Well, we could leave."
Just then, Steve's phone rang. He stepped out while Brian & Stef tried to think of another plan.
"It's starting to get numb Bri, I'm scared. My weewee is gonna fall off." Tears began to trickle down Stef's cheeks.
Then Steve burst in, "You better figure something out soon! Gertrude Mavis will be back in 15 minutes."
"Oh, that's a good plan. She'd make any man go soft for sure." Brian tittered at his own joke, Stef just kept crying, Steve chose to ignore the insult of his girlfriend and set about to unplugging the VCR.
"We gotta get you out of here or she'll kill me."
"Well, what then? Is he gonna have to carry around a VCR in his trousers for ever? Oh, the fan ficcers would love that!"
"I'm gonna die," Stef sobbed harder.
"Go to the hospital then."
"Nooooooooooo! Please no."
"Have you got a better suggestion?"
Stef shook his head miserably and picked up the VCR.
"Okay then, have fun guys." Steve tried to push them towards the door.
"Oh no-no Stevie, you're coming too, it's your VCR. Call Gertie and tell her you had to go to the emergency room cuz Stef's ill or something."
"I knew I should've gotten a DVD player,self pity" Steve said grumpily as he punched in his girlfriend's number.They managed to get Stef's trousers up and fastened, get a cab, and pretend that Stef was just holding a VCR in his lap as they rode to the hospital in silence.

***

The nurse didn't ask how it happened, just smirked. It was obvious. She'd seen some strange cases of people copulating with foreign objects and getting into trouble before, but Stef's was by far most amusing.
"See Ste, this isn't too bad. You only have to stay here for a night." Brian tried to comfort Stef after she'd left them.
"Yeah, whatever." Stef leaned back on the bed and shut his eyes, trying to block the memory of the past day.
It'd taken the doctors a couple of hours to figure out how to extract his manhood from the VCR and a couple hours more to poke and prod him to make sure there wouldn't be any permanent damage. He was bandaged but sore, the pain killers didn't seem to be helping much at all. Now Steve & Brian wouldn't leave him alone to wself-pityand dwell on his gauze covered cock. Worst of all, Bill was there too and he had to re-tell the entire story, much to Bill's bemusement.
"Hey Brian, you still owe me a fuck!"
"No way Steffy, no deal. You never came."

THE END

Brian and the fridge

Author: Deementia
Rating:
Pairing: Brian/OC (a fridge)
Description: We've had requests for fridge fucking, so here goes...

The toaster burns on Brian's cock had finally healed, after several weeks the scars were barely noticeable. He was able to control his horny self until the swelling had completely gone down (well, he tried a handjob once and the pain was enough to turn him off to that for quite a long time). Steve's reaction to what Brian had done was to find it immensely funny, but Stef was at least a little sympathetic. Since the incident he was especially kind to Brian, taking care to make him feel loved and appreciated. Never the less, Brian was still as lonely as ever, and now he didn't even have anyone to talk to when his bandmates weren't around. He tried conversing with the other appliances but they just stood there, unresponsive, so when he saw the talking refrigerator on The Home Shopping Channel, he just had to order it. Brian was so excited he had it delivered the next day. He couldn't get out of the huge box and hooked up fast enough.
"Hell-ooo! I'm Brian." He said to the pristine white appliance. It didn't reply. He tried again, 'I said hello, yes you, refrigerator. I'm talking to you." No answer, he was begining to get irate. "Hey, dumbfuck, how come you ain't talkin? Motherfucking piece of shit!" He smacked it, he kicked it, he pouted at it. Still no answer, so he did the unthinkable, he read the directions.
"Oh, I have to turn you on. How kinky!" He felt around the back, sure enough as soon as he hit the switch the icebox said "Hello, I am model #52-F 6394 B81 VM4Q57935 T5. I'm your new refrigerator. Would you like to refrigerate something?"
"Um, whatever. I'm Brian." He pulled a chair up so he could sit next to it, eyeing it up. "You're pretty cute. So pale. You're kinda big for my taste. I usually don't go for the stocky type, but you'll do. So what do you like to do?" He ran his fingers over the cool metal frame.
"I like to keep things cold. Do you have anything you need to keep cold?"
"Hmm, that's nice. Where are you from?"
"The GE plant in Indiana. I have a butter compartment, do you have any butter?"
"Oh, wow, so you're not from around here. Do you have any kinky sex fantasies?"
"No. Do you need anything frozen? How about some ice? I can make both crushed and cubed."
"Oh, too bad. I like handcuffs, and buttplugs, and whips, and dildos, and cockrings." This gave him an interesting idea. He's recently gotten a new whip and hadn't gotten a chance to try it out yet. The refrigerator was about the height of a person. Hmm... A few minutes later he returned with a cat'o'nine tails, wearing only a leather thong and nipple clamps.
He brought the whip down hard on the side of the refrigerator, it screeched in surprise. Edged on by its cries, Brian repeated the action, lashing it harder and faster, again and again, until he was in a frenzy. He even dented the side a bit.
"Wow, all that dominating made me pretty horny." He looked around for an orifice to fuck, doing other stuff was much better than using his hand. It left them free for other things. Hmm, the blender? Nah, he liked his cock and wanted to keep it whole. The popcorn popper? No, orifice too big. Electric can opener? Nope, no orifices. He eyed the new fridge's ice maker speculatively. Hmm, no, too dangerous, there was ice chopping blades up there. He was about to give up on finding a kitchen appliance when he had an idea. The space between lower door and the upper freezer door was just the right size for a cock, but it was a little high up. He stood on the chair, the perfect height for penetration. He lubed up with some cooking oil, and pushed himslef into the tight space. "Ooooooo" was all Brian could say as he slid in and out. The refrigerator didn't know what to think, nothing in its computer had prepared it for this. He thrust a finger into his ass, his other hand roamed over his chest, pulling on his nipple clamps. His rythmic pounding made the fridge shake and the chair wobble. Brian was so into the feeling as he started to come, he lost his footing. He felt himself falling, but he thought it was just the orgasm until he hit the floor. His cock hurt worse than he could've ever imagined.
"Oh, shit, no-oo-oo" He was afraid to look down, but forced himself to assess the damage. His dicl was still partially hard and bent at a weird angle, already turning black & blue. He tried to sit up, he moaned and fell back to the floor, pain shooting all through him. God, he did it again, he went and injured his cock. He didn't think he could last another 3 to 4 weeks without sex.
"Some of that ice would be really nice right now." The icebox immediately started spitting out ice cubes. Brian gingerly touched one to his bruised manhood, the shock made him jump about four feet off the ground, but that was nothing compared to the shock Steve and Stef got as they walked in and found Brian sprawled, naked and groaning, on the kitchen floor.

THE END

Brian and the talking toaster

Author: Deementia
Rating:
Pairing: Brian/OC (a toaster)
Description: This is, no doubt, the stranger story I have ever written, lack of sleep being my only excuse.

Brian was all dressed up, his make-up perfectly applied, his hair plastered in place, but he had nowhere to go. He sunk down on the couch and idly flipped through the TV channels, for the fourth time in about 20 minutes. He was so bored. Being off tour and at home in a small London suburb made him very restless. Stef was off in the US visiting friends and Steve was spending time with his daughter and girlfriend and all of his other friends were busy or weren't home or whatever. THe weather was horrible and the bar wasn't open yet. He switched the TV off and looked at his records, nothing seemed to fit his mood, he'd listened to them all a million times. He didn't want to go shopping without anyone to show his pontential purchases to, he'd read his few books so often he could quote passages from them, he'd seen all videos at the rental store at least once, the good ones several times. He wandered around his house aimlessly, finally landing in a chair in his kitchen with a sigh. What he really needed was a mate, a lover, someone he could call on to just talk, someone he could hang with and not feel the need to go out and do anything, someone who was more than just one night stand. His dull throb in his cock seemed to be a permanent reminder of his loneliness. He repeatedly banged his forehead on the table in frustration.
"Master, what's wrong? Do you need some toast?" An electronic voice piped up.
"NO." He glanced at the toaster sitting on the counter.
"Toast will make you feel better." It had come to life, its motor warming up.
"No thanks, I'm not hungry."
"Why don't you ever want toast?"
"Because I don't ever need any." He was tired and the small appliance was grating on his nerves.
"You go away for so long and when you finally come back you completely ignore me. Please have toast at least once."
"I don't fucking like toast." His voice started to rise and wavered.
"Then why do you have a talking toaster? I can make it dark and burned to a crisp or I can make it light. While, on the lightest setting you could stick your hand inside and not get burnt. And toasted pasteries? I'm perfect for..." Brian cut it off.
"You were a fucking gift. Now will you just shut up?" He practically screamed at it.
"Why, I'm even extra wide for bagels, fat waffles and English muffins."
"I don't want any goddamn things toasted, OK? Don't make me come over there and unplug you!"
It began to sniffle and sob. Brian threw a magazine at it, knocking it dangerously close to the sink. This made it cry harder. Trembling with anger, Brian slowly pushed himself up, the need to vent all his frustrations on something overtaking him, the annoying toaster being a perfect victim. He yanked the plug out of the wall, oblivious to its pleas and promises to quit bothering him. He was about to smash it against the wall, when an interesting thought crossed his mind. Extra wide slots, huh?
Perfect width, a little shallow, but damn close. He set the toaster back down and replugged it in, pressing the lever down, flipping the 'darkness' knob to the lightest possible setting.
"Oh, good! You didn't smash me! And you want some toast ! What a lucky day."
Brian just giggled as he unzipped his pants. What could only be described as fear crept into the toaster's voice as it realized Brian wasn't gonna put bread in it.
"Master, I don't think this is a good idea."
"Shut up." Brian growled, rubbing his shaft, making it harden in his hand. "Or I'll turn you off for good."
The toaster was torn between wanting to be used and being scared for his owner's safety.
"This could be considered rape, you know."
"I said shut up." Brian's hand shot out toward the plug.
"OK! OK! I'll be quiet."
Brian slowly sunk his cock into the slot. It felt sooooo good, so warm, just like a tight ass. He thrust faster, making the springs inside squeak and the wires rattle. The toaster muffled his cries, glad to at least be turned on again. Brian was thrusting in and out very fast, his white fingers gripping the black metal, his mind was a blur, coherant thoughts slipping away. He didn't even notice as his hand bumped against the darkness knob, switching from barely light brown to burnt crispy black. He didn't even hear the toaster's warning. His orgasm overtook him and his cum burst into the toaster, only as his orgasm swiftly subsided did he noticed that his cock was burning and not with ecstasy. He pulled out, his member was bright red, already beginning to blister.
"OHMYGOD" he shrieked, rushing to the sink, turning the cold water on full blast, dousing his scorched flesh. He had never been in this much pain in his life before, that icy water didn't even seem to faze the searing sting at all. Behind him, a sizzling pop-pop sound started to eminate from the toaster and it began to shake, the computer's voice panicking and crying for help, then it went silent, a few long seconds later it suddently blew up, covering the wall and counter with black soot, but Brian had a much more pressing problem. He stood there for what seemed like days, the water streaming over his cock, tears streaming down his face, causing his eye make-up to run. When the fire had finally cooled down a little, he gingerly smeared aloe all over it and wrapping it in gauze. "Oh fuck what have I done?' he said aloud. How was he supposed to pee? More importantly, how was he supposed to fuck? It would take days, maybe even weeks to heal. He couldn't even go two fucking days without at least a hand job, how could he last weeks? He sat down on the edge of his bed, extremely careful not to bump his tender dick.
He let out a long, low, painful groan and flopped backwards when something very scary flashed into his mind, something that pained more than his charred cock ever did. How was he going to explain this to Stef and Steve? Just then the doorbell rang, Stefan's voice sang out 'Bri-AN! Tis me! I have returned early and I come baring a gift of Ste-EVE!" This was, no doubt, the worst day of his fucking life.

THE END